Updates

First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Jan. 2021

Previous: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Dec. 2020

WELCOME to the January issue of First Amend This!

Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com. This publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of Correction community.

If you wish to assist this effort, share the link, cut and paste, or print and send a copy to another.

GET INVOLVED

IDOC will be holding monthly Townhall With Leadership meetings all through 2021. Submit your questions to brightideas@idoc.idaho.gov using the subject line “Qs for leadership,” and be sure to attend the meetings to keep the conversation going.

Offender friends and families interested in networking concerns are encouraged to join the Idaho Inmate Family Support Group (IIFSG) on Facebook.

EDITOR’S NOTE

I have a goal: Be constructive. Though a little subjective, I think it’s a good one.

And not just for me but also for management. Because insisting I continue to pirate the Channel of Communications, and stowaway on every freighter with a tide-changing wake, just to participate in a seasoned exchange, doesn’t appear all that constructive to me.

These notes could be used to boast of new dialogue. Or congratulate management on changes being made. Instead, too many communiques see no response and our platform for discourse lopsides like this:

On Being Constructive

X: When I exercise my freedom of speech to appeal to interests litigious in nature, I’m seeking intervention and acknowledgement by way of judge or jury. As the Court’s is a lawful authority, creating an opportunity to access its audience, using SOPs and the Constitution as my guide, feels like a constructive way to validate my efforts as just.

Y’s silence inferred: Critically spotlighting DOC compliance failures and constantly questioning management’s decisions isn’t exactly helpful: It motivates offender networks by charging them emotionally, and produces uniquely organized stressors that modern methods of imprisonment were never designed for. Subjectively speaking, it’s incredibly nonconstructive. …Like a talented pain that goes right for the ass.

X: Also a pain in the ass — knowing that if my journalistic endeavors hit my file as nonconstructive, I could remain lawfully detained an extra twenty-some years.

Y: In that case, if you were to stop, we wouldn’t have to deal with each other for an extra twenty-some years. That sounds to me like a win for constructive.

X: Filling my time sitting alone in silence is NOT constructive! …And too many days without a sword in the sun makes me ache for a shine any way I can get it…

[Realizing a pretty sweet stage supports his lonely podium, X cues the chorus in pulleyed delight, and with a voice on the run from Heaven’s federales, Peter Pans a Hamilton just for the kick.]

…”With each homely proof from my pen leaving proof of my life, yield not, my fingers, your vehement swinging, for you thrusteth in silence Sophoclean prose!”

See? Lopsided.

Let’s First Amend This!

IDOC OUTSOURCING IN-STATE

GEO Reentry Services has opened four Connection and Intervention Centers throughout Idaho.

In an effort to reduce recidivism, at-risk offenders may be referred by their Probation and Parole officers to the individualized assessments and “evidence-based programming” now offered by GEO’s new private community service industry. The program begins with the non-residential intake process, where a program manager tasked with planning behavioral modifications interviews the referral prior to prescribing them any combination of job training, addiction maintenance and available cognitive programming.

The stations will work with other community programs and services to implement a corrective course of action. They will also check for COVID during intake and hold appointments over Zoom if clients are symptomatic.

IDOC plans to shell out $4.5M for their first three years with the new GEO service. According to IDOC spokesman Jeff Ray, $225K of that will be based on performance metrics, which includes reducing the baseline revocation rate.

With the exception of job training, IDOC previously offered at-risk offenders a similar therapeutic regimen to that which GEO now contracts. This reporter, once deemed at-risk while supervised on parole, was assessed by a team of public supervisors who then modified his behavior with similar evidence-based programming — all offered, managed and provided by the State. His attendance and progress were monitored closely until he returned to a state of compliance.

Which makes one wonder if IDOC is slowly losing the capacity to treat offenders themselves, or if they’ve been incentivized to outsource old services to new brands of providers — monopolistic providers, whose main concern with treatment lies behind closed doors, where it’s summed up on slides for a suit-and-tie audience in presentations with titles like “Efficacious Convalescence vs. Opportunity Cost in Revenue.”

Just whose interest is the Department now attending to: corporate shareholders outside of our community, or the victims of an at-risk population with a history of offending?

Sources: Johnathan Hogan, “GEO Reentry Services has opened their fourth Connection Intervention Center,” Post Register. Eric Grossarth, “New program developed to help convicted felons transition back into society,” Eastidahonews.com.

POLICY PROMISES, PROMISES, PROMISES…

Last year IDOC announced residents in long-term restrictive-housing units (RHUs) would soon see three hours out-of-cell time daily (FAT!, Jan. ’20). Instead, the daily hour they were receiving found itself awkwardly reducing to half.

During July 2019’s board meeting, Director Tewalt announced plans for IMSI facility modifications that would support new standards outlined in the ever unattainable, unimplemented 2018 Long-term Restrictive Housing Program Policy 319.02.01.003*. The modifications — indoor rec modules, proposed and prototyped by an inmate — were to be constructed with cheap materials and inmate labor, offering a way for RHU residents to regularly access their day rooms.

Come early 2020, after breaking ground with the first of many modules, all visible progress came to a halt. Same with the chorus of excitement from hundreds of residents promised less time in the cell and more in the cage. According to RHU staffers, providing transport to the indoor rec modules was a matter of unforeseen logistical complexity: their understaffed shifts simply couldn’t find the time to rotate their pokey’s most popular patrons back and forth patiently between cell and kennel.

But with the day room only accounting for one-half of the new three-hour allotment, there was still another half to be offered outside: essentially, an extra half hour would be added to the daily hour already in practice. Logistically, this appeared to pose no problem: no extra trips were needed, nor staff required, and the rec modules outside were already in use. Nevertheless, the extra half hour was cancelled, and though a reason was given, it was hard to understand.

A grievance filed by this reporter was returned with an explanation stating that the Department was unwilling to allow the extra time outside until the indoor modifications were complete and the facility was properly staffed (FAT!, Aug. ’20). No timeframe was offered, no hope was given.

And then came COVID.

RHU shifts, once able to get everyone outside for at least an hour daily, found the only way to socially distance residents was to operate the rec cages at no more than half-capacity. So instead of directing shifts to account for the time it takes to responsibly rec a whole unit daily, IDOC divided their RHUs in half, and minimized rec for each half to every other day.

One hour. Out of the cell. Every other day. For the bulk of last year, that’s what’s been given.

In considering how the long-term restrictive housing policy was revised but never implemented back in July of ’18, there’s no telling how many more years might pass before the Department makes a respectable effort to meet the standards now sleeping on hold.

Which gives it all the feel of a marathon run that requires keeping pace with the Gears of Weak Intention.

One.

……..Hour.

…………Out of.

………………The cell.

……………………….Every.

………………………………Other.

…………………………………………Day……………….?………………–>………………………………!?!

*Unattainable yet referenced by Short-term Restrictive Housing Policy 319.02.01.001

Ref: Board of Correction Meeting, July ’19. “Exhausted Grievances in Summary, Grievance 15, IM 200000280

ALGORITHMIC ADDICTION COUNSELOR TO PALM READ RECOVERIES

IDOC has been chosen as one of 33 trial agencies to provide telehealth services in conjunction with The Addiction Forum. Using the Connections App, which touts an ability to predict and reduce relapse, substance abusers will have another form of technological redundancy when it comes time to access their counselors and peers. The tracking app, eager to schedule its abusers’ sobriety, can also, if needed, help Google available resources.

Over one thousand of our nation’s offenders will be volunteered to the program, which is funded by the Foundation for Opioid Response Efforts (FORE).

Whether FORE’s algorithm is sophisticated enough to graph and monitor the entirety of Idaho’s Fourth Amendment Forfeits’ communication network, we just don’t know. But as soon as Probation and Parole sees fit to order the inoculation of all offender devices (and that should be soon), we can patch in our own Symbiont Groom™, and go full-throttle from there. We’re talking key phrases, texting activity, GPS hotspots, sporadic behavioral conduct, synchronized travel activity, proximity intimations (distance from other at-risk individuals) and, of course, familial biometrics. Once activated, suspicious configurations will be flagged and forwarded to the FORE 501(c)3 Reclamation Machine [Limited Edition!] — expected in March. Also skilled in the art of salvation and news-speak, we trust it to publicly justify attacking targeted networks.

So long as it equates “proportionate response” to “dispatch drone, corral suspected infidels and commence with whatever terroristic treatment has been fashioned for the day,” it’ll continue offering evidence that relapse was preempted, and our citizens can rest knowing all will be well.

Yes…

All. Will be. Orwell.

Source: Clinical Supervisor Gail Baker, idoc.Idaho.gov.

COVID NEWS

Over 17,500 tests have been administered to Idaho offenders held in three states. More than 3,300 have returned positive, and six inmate deaths have been reported as COVID-related.

For the last five months, ACLU of Idaho and the law firm Shearman & Sterling have been in close contact with IDOC while monitoring all forms of COVID-related issues. Offenders with concerns are invited to participate in the dialogue and forward their COVID experiences to:

ACLU Idaho
PO Box 1987
Boise, ID 83701

Saguaro Correctional Center has seen an explosion in cases. News outlets in Kansas and Hawaii have both covered the spike of infections. As the two states’ SCC inmate populations continue to produce a high rate of positives, IDOC’s appears not to have not undergone any more testing since they first arrived to the Arizona facility with an infected 130 cohorting among them.

Incentives were passed out this month for recipients of the flu vaccine. They consisted of one candy bar, one extra COVID mask and one translucent bar of soap. This reporter received both incentive and vaccine, and vouches for the fact that neither was deadly.

View IDOC COVID numbers here.

REENTRY RADIO SHOW EDUCATES A DIVERSE SET OF LISTENERS

A faith-based, IDOC-friendly radio show caught our attention this month. With over 100 episodes available for streaming, Mark Renick hosts Victory Over Sin, on KBXL 94.1FM, Saturdays at 12:30 pm.

We tuned in and caught an interview with Program Manager Jeff Kirkman. Kirkman, who has served with the department for over 20 years, used the opportunity to discuss the reentry effort Free To Succeed, a community mentoring program that attempts to reach individuals 30-90 days prior to their release, and place them with a mentor in the area they plan on being released to.

The Free To Succeed program is unique in that IDOC allows individuals on supervision to offer themselves as a mentor, which in turn offers participants mentors familiar with their struggle.

Currently in need of mentors, Free To Succeed encourages those interested to contact them @ https://www.idoc.idaho.gov/content/prisons/volunteers_mentors.

Learn more about Renick and his efforts @ https://www.facebook.com/systemicchangeofidaho/ and imsihopecommunityphaseii.com.

LEGAL RESOURCES MADE AVAILABLE ELECTRONICALLY

IDOC has finished their pilot test and will now offer legal resources electronically at facilities statewide. Starting January 11, 2021, all facility residents will have access to Lexis Nexis and other materials using their JPay tablets and kiosks.

IDOC plans to provide loaner tablets (where needed) and keep hard copy publications available through the Legal Resource Center until the loaners are made available. Hard copies will then be moved to the regular facility library. A video tutorial and a step-by-step guidebook will be found on every tablet and hard copies of the guidebook can be requested through the paralegal. WIFI options will undergo upgrades to address current issues with tablets and kiosks.

The Department expresses their excitement for these developments, and we at FAT! commend them for their effort.

The following are the authorized legal resources soon to become electronically available:

1) Idaho Code
2) Idaho Court Rules
3) Unites States Code
4) Federal Rules of Court
5) Constitutional Rights of Prisoners 9th Edition
6) Federal Habeas Corpus Practice and Procedure
7) Ballentine’s Law Dictionary
8) The Law Dictionary
9) Idaho Administrative Code: IDAPA 06
10) 06.01.01 – Rules of the Board of Correction
11) 06.01.02 – Rules of Idaho Correctional Industries
12) 06.02.01 – Rules Governing Supervision of Offenders on Probation and Parole
13) 06.02.01 – Rules Governing Release Readiness

The following publications will not be available electronically. (They will be maintained in the Legal Resource Center until facility libraries reopen.)

1) Black’s Law Dictionary
2) Spanish/English Law Dictionary
3) State and Federal Post-Conviction Remedies Last Hopes
4) Prisoners’ Self-Help Litigation Manual
5) Tucker’s Legal Directory

SUGGESTION BOX

It is suggested that the CoreCivic contract be made publicly available prior to a unified network’s abandonment of niceties.

It is suggested that IDOC remedy the 1/2 portion situation with lunches at IMSI. After weighing the new prepackaged sandwiches, distributed every Friday, the kitchen, aware the sandwiches weigh half what they use to (and no longer match the nutritional facts that have been provided to inmates), continues to serve them, along with concerns of caloric restriction.

It is suggested that IDOC use their institutional channels to offer cognitive therapy and various classes. Many offenders wish to take classes, and many classes are required to meet criteria for parole. By using institutional channels to offer classes remotely, case managers could track participants by collecting workbooks, and possibly incentivize others into trying out classes without the the promise of tentative date. It’s suspected this would help eliminate those pesky correctional cram-sessions that force everyone to rush for the swing of the gate.

A MESSAGE FROM REENTRY MANAGER TIM LEIGH

IDOC understands the importance of everyone leaving our custody with proper Identification. If you know an Idaho resident who needs a State of Idaho ID card and is within 90 days of release, or needs a social security card and is within 120 days of release, their case manager can provide them with instructions and applications to help obtain copies of either.

For those at NICI, the process is more of a challenge, but for those who’ve had an Idaho ID card or drivers license in the past and are in the Idaho DMV system already, a replacement ID can still be obtained.

Please refer all questions to case managers.

INMATE SERVICES AT WORK

12-7-20

Dear Chief Page:

After filing another grievance over confiscated mail items, lost and unprocessed, I received the concern form attached* (three months after its initial submission) stapled to the mail of another inmate that appears to live at the opposite end of my facility. Judging by the withdrawal number on his parcel, I suspect it’s of financial interest.

I did inform Deputy Warden Wessels that I am in possession of another inmate’s mail, and I asked her to stop by and pick it up and take a moment with me to brainstorm a simple solution to the cascade of failures regarding mail confiscations at IMSI that I’ve so faithfully documented since March. But you know what they say: “Ignore them long enough and one day they’ll die.”

So if you could find it in your heart to see that Mr. [withheld] gets his parcel — which, again, is included, stapled to mine, as delivered to me — and send mine back to me for my records, I’m sure we’d both be delighted, possibly uncontrollably. Because life is nothing more than a series of little pleasures, so says the inscription that I’ve asked for on my tomb.

Also, while I have your attention, I never did receive the mask, bar of soap and candy bar promised to incentivize the inmate population into greeting the flu vaccine. In case you are unaware, I am quite the fan of chocolate. But who among us isn’t?

I smell a new adventure…

Warm regards,
Patrick Irving 82431

* Not shown here.

UPDATE: The chocolate problem was resolved on its own, and my parcel was returned with a memo from Management Assistant Kim Bausch that informed me Warden Davis, briefed of the situation, was overseeing the return of Mr. Withheld’s parcel.

We salute Kim Bausch for her dedication to service, and, Warden Davis, you did okay too.

Mark another month down. Thanks for sticking with us!

“Monsters Calling Home”
— Run River North

Next: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Feb. 2021

A Holiday Card for Your Missus

More Christmas reading here

12-25-20XX

Dearest Love,

Years ago, this festive missive would be different. Aggressive and explicit, testosterone-driven with angst. Talk of using a pillow to muffle the sounds, and too many metaphors suggesting how my dong doth make pound.

Instead, for you, a brand new position. Envisioned and driven by intricate beauty: the kind you posses that speaks of finesse, and, damnit, is it nine o’clock already?

Then I guess I better clap off the lights and dancewalk you to bed. Who am I kidding with this poetry shit, anyway?

Before we do this, I don’t need to know how many lovers you’ve had, but how many guys before me have you let under the sheets with a cheese tray?

Of course. A girl with your morals? I never suspected for a moment that I wasn’t the first. Nonetheless, I kind of make a habit out of using protection: Dustblaster 6000–it sucks up all the crumbs.

…Now then, where were we?

Aw, yeah… Girl, you’re lookin’ thirsty. So how about I pour you a glass from that newly-installed Brita? And maybe when I get back, I’ll give you a naughty surprise…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Surprise!

Sometimes the best beef is cake!

Hey, easy. Maybe now’s a good time for you to open the drawer to your nightstand. I had a little feeling you might try and get dirty, which is why I stocked you up on moist towelettes–that the Olive Garden secretly wrapped for you on Date Night.

By the way, when I got in there, I noticed your batteries weren’t regulation. Don’t worry, I replaced them, and then I cleaned the gunk off the spark plugs and took care of the timing belt too. That’ll just have to do until we get you an upgrade. Now then, tell me, would you two like some music?

Are you sure? You can call me when you’re done.

No? Alright. Then how about, tonight, I let you take charge. I want you to tease me, don’t offer the remote. And do that thing where you hand me the case to a lousy action flick, but then I open it up, and it’s my favorite love story. And when I skootch up to you, maybe skootch away from me like you don’t really want to hold me. I love that. But be advised, I’m changing my safe word from “it’s time again for your cuticles” to “I bet you didn’t know that I can French-braid hair.”

First thing in the morning, I’ll be ready for Round 2. And if for some reason I find myself still unable to fix it, I’ll schedule you an Uber, then call your dad and granddad.

Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask you how sooo many things work. Whenever you’re not tired, if you wouldn’t mind explaining…

One more thing, tomorrow, I insist on making the bed. Just in case you have unexpected company, I want to make sure your best massaged foot is forward.

Merrry Christmas AND Happy Hanukkah, baby! Because I can’t celebrate you enough. Please don’t think I forgot about your present. What happened was, I spent all my time and my money thoughtfully making this card, and I knew you wouldn’t love it, and I said I wouldn’t cry…

Love,
[Dude, dont forget to sign your name here]

Thank You For Another Round of Books!

I’m pretty excited about this: A Kurt Vonnegut, four-book, hardback, bible paper, ribbon marker, Library of America series that spans from 1950 to 1997. I just read a chapter from “Player Piano,” which I found at the very beginning of the series. The man is good. And weird. And his materials were actually suggested this weekend when I mentioned I was looking for something of a very specific sort.

Book Two contains a story titled “The Big Space Fuck.” And here I’ve been thinking all along that I’m too fringe to understand.

Back here, in Solitary Confinement, where sometimes an author is a person’s best friend, gestures like these are hard to measure in the way of appreciation. Especially by this guy (me), who finds himself absorbing the unconventional in some form of Darwinian process that can only be explained as like-if-Donald-Trump-banged-Alexandre-Dumas… never mind that last part. It goes a long way, that’s what I’m saying.

Therefore: With many thanks to you, Abbé Faria, all shall move forward as planned…

Missive: 12-06-20

12-06-20

Dear Pen Pal,

What am I doing today? To begin with, I’m celebrating your good time and your feeling better and your message coming through so fast. It’s good to experience the reminders of alcohol abuse once in awhile, as far as I’m concerned.

I’m sorry your friends are struggling. It seems that everyone is struggling nowadays. I’m curious as to what kind of community evolution will result from the stress. If any. Probably in co-cultures first, like how the Mormons and Jewish and other special-interest factions do. In terms of cohesion and resourcing. Now’s a good time for others to adopt their techniques and create some cascades that see a downward scale.

…Because stress and chaos are the key to building a more robust organism, which the human collective certainly is–despite their most complete denial and struggle to the end to claim individuality…And it would be a shame to waste the opportunity to revamp several aspects of humanity, starting from the waste that trickles up from the bottom (AKA the foundation, AKA how the backs of the less fortunate are used). Or the opportunity to gravitate all currently polar idealisms towards less turbulent conquests and establish relative equilibria. (Why do I feel the need to insert things like this in conversation?)

Where was I?

Oh, yes. I don’t mean to be so incredibly affable but I have to appreciate several aspects of your message. The first, I despise texting as an acceptable form of conversation when I have access to and time for the phone. It’s the most impersonal, low-effort form of relationship maintenance in the history of mankind. And I too am the friend, or friend of the friend that commonly introduces himself as Boise’s welcoming committee to those filtering in from all walks and regions. There’s just not enough of Us around here. Along those lines–the special people that can be found in kitchens, I include them with flagellant artists. They tend to have unique perspective and appreciation for the oddest of things. Of course there are good and bad, but the good are incomparable.

All that to say, you are an amazing person to witness.

I just worked out… I guess that’s what you’d call it. And I’m making a rice bowl and considering writing a grant proposal where I propose to use my government stimulus money to grant $500-ish for filing fees to a knowledgeable lawhand capable of filing a winning claim (of their choosing) against the Idaho Department Of Correction. Leading by example for my long-term 9th Circuit project is what that’s for. I’m just not sure my network is ready for it yet. I need a trustee and someone capable of vetting the lawhand’s ability. But it’s a winning idea. If I were on the streets with my model and ambition, I’d turn 10K into a perpetual monster in a fairly respectable period of time. Or so I’m inclined to think. From here it could take a few more years. Most likely 5, if they ever allow me to reintegrate with a less troublesome population.

Yup. That’s what I’m doing today, I guess. And likely some reading and writing and exploring more ways to adequately appreciate you. Because good anchors are hard to find. Especially for folks like myself.

Off this goes. Be kind to yourself today.

Again and still,
Patrick

Burnside

I did it.
I built a time machine.
It worked and everything.
For about five minutes.

Five minutes.
That’s how far it sent me.
Into the future.
Oh, boy.

There’s me, confused.
Fiddling with the machine.
I don’t get it, I said.
I know, I responded. Me either.

Deb wasn’t too happy.
But then again, she was.
We checked lots of boxes.
You know what I mean.

Work? Interesting.
They had to keep us both.
Chronological discrimination.
Yeah. We made it a thing.

Then yesterday we decided.
Some crimes can be fun–
Especially when your alibied.
God bless the DMV.

[Word Count:100]

First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Dec. 2020

Previous: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Nov. 2020

WELCOME to December’s issue of First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter.

Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com, this publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of Correction community.

Offender friends and families interested in networking concerns are encouraged to join the Idaho Inmate Family Support Group (IIFSG) on Facebook..

EDITOR’S NOTE

Where hopes are never high, they haven’t far to fall… What a wonderful theme for our one-year anniversary.

This month we celebrate how our unbridled enthusiasm for civic responsibility has abided by inertia for exactly one year. That’s one full year the Dark Prince of Policy has neglected to appear and act as a force. Though, technically, it’s been a year and eight months since this editor’s very first free-floating article found the Orchard office, in handwritten copies, never to receive any formal response.

Set the path and send me in motion — it is now my pleasure to give that article a home, and, in the Festivus spirit, giftwrap for future generations yet another look at the pain we once inflicted on folks that didn’t quite fit into society’s little boxes. (Hint: We physically tried to fit them into Little Society boxes.)

So here’s looking forward to spinning laps another year, cranking the decibels a few notches higher, and hoping that one day the locals will wonder of our screams.

But first, a window to the past — where we find an artifact from the heart being written from the Hole using the stub of a pencil that never had an eraser and a few scraps of paper passed through a mousehole to find the steely hands of one uniquely distraught, retaliatory-transferred, spiritually-awakened untethered resourcefulness bringing joy to the battleground with fury and ish…

Cheers.

RETALIATORY TRANSFER TO IDAHO (3-26-19)

Having recently organized several concerns within the Idaho inmate population at Eagle Pass Correctional Facility on the Mexican border in Texas, I faced swift acts of retaliation by the Idaho Department of Corrections and employees of The Geo Group, Inc.

On approximately February 22, 2019, I made multiple submissions of three formal complaints, with one accompanied by a large group of signatures representing a Class Action Petition. The presentation was delivered to the Texas Commission On Jail Standards, the Inspector General of Texas, the Texas State Health Department, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, ACLU Texas, ACLU Idaho and Idaho media. Additional resources were expected to be added to this mailing list pending initial response.

The retaliation took form through the modifying of a preexisting disciplinary offense from November 11, 2018. In accordance with the EPCF Inmate Handbook, the violation was initially served as Creating A Disturbance 23.0, a minimum offense. The disciplinary charge wasn’t written specific to IDOC policy and failed to meed the appellate process timelines and federal guidelines for Disciplinary Due Process Procedure. Its processing has also violated IDOC Policy 218.02.01.001 (Disciplinary Procedures For Inmates) sections 18 (Transfers)26 (Time Limits For Formal Sanctions)30 (Appeals: Method of Administrative Review), and 33 (Audits and Data Analysis).

This disciplinary offense that has been modified is central to a complaint presented following the second group disturbance in November , which involved approximately twenty inmates. Other inmates involved were charged with the same offense listed above, as well as additional offenses of greater severity. These offenses were also not processed according to IDOC policy 318. While sanctions were served in full at the time, they were disproportionate to the offenses as classified by the EPCF Inmate Handbook and were also in excess of IDOC policy 318. This, and the massive failure to provide disciplinary due process to the entire group of inmates, forms the body of this complaint.

In addition to failing to meet the standards set by IDOC Policy 318, there is a clear violation of Texas Minimum Jail Standards 283.2 regarding facility rules and regulations. Prior to them being provided to and signed for by inmates, there was a failure to replace the current disciplinary policy in the EPCF Inmate Handbook with IDOC Policy 318 when it was presented for approval by the TWS. Per this mandate of Texas jurisdiction, regardless of the contract IDOC signed with The Geo Group, Inc., the rules provided to and signed for by the inmates are the ones the facility must adhere to.

By either standard of the rules, those that were presented to us inmates or the ones that we were expected to have innate knowledge of, disciplinary due process failed and the sanctions given were disproportionate to the rule violations. They also exceeded maximum recommendations as outlined by IDOC Policy 318, section 26.

Once my sanctions were completed, and while seeking intervention for daily human rights violations, I returned to the general population, my job, and the normal routine for over two months without incident.

It is of note that there are still offenders in segregation in Texas for offenses more severe than mine that took place during this incident. Also worth noting, while approximately two dozen offenders received violations with a severity equal to or greater than mine within a one week period, I am the only inmate returned to Idaho with enough classification points to be placed in a maximum security facility for three years. This despite a previously clean history without disciplinary action or being labelled s Security Threat Group.

What this does follow is two months of sanctions completed, three months of waiting for appeals to process, and one week of corrective actions following the first Class Action Petition I initiated for proper food service sanitation.

It is well known that I have been actively pursuing litigation. I have also recently been quoted airing the group concerns of my fellow inmates through Idaho media. Broadcasting the opinion that IDOC fails to recognize viable issues without public interest being involved is fairly common for me.

It is because of this I now face additional sanctions even more disproportionate to the rule violation while my first appeal, from months ago, has yet to be processed and returned (IDOC inmates in Texas get two appeals per IDOC Agr 018.001).

There are many of us involved in the mechanical aspects of my formal complaints. Of these, an equal number are eligible for my current situation. However, as I am alone in being the sole organized presenter of our group issues, I am alone in being removed from Texas to face a more immediate and unnecessary form of discipline. One that prevents me from continuing to organize the Class Action Petitions I initiated and have been actively representing to many different interests.

ANOTHER CONTRACT WITH GEO GROUP

The Board of Correction met again in November and we’ve since welcomed reports from members of the community that attended the meeting virtually.

Relayed of the meeting: a representative from GEO Group’s new division, GEO Cares, explained how their new contract with IDOC will allow GEO to compete with the locally-owned Rising Sun. In addition to halfway housing, a market which Rising Sun dominates in the Boise area, GEO Cares will also provide offender monitoring and classes.

IDOC’s experimenting with private reentry services and community supervision has been in the works since May. According to Tommy Simmons with the Idaho Press Tribune, that’s when IDOC began allowing 30 Probation and Parole supervisors to manage portions of their caseload using a technology called a.check, which acts as a centralized communication platform that incorporates GPS, facial recognition and document retrieval into a program located on both supervisors’ and supervisees’ phones.

Though the details of GEO Care’s service are currently unknown, the GEO Care website claims to “[deliver] comprehensive approaches to manage, rehabilitate and treat individuals inside secure settings and throughout the community” using “technology solutions [that] enable community corrections officers to manage individuals [with] GPS, mobile or remote alcohol monitoring, radio frequency, biometric voice verification, data analytics and more.”

While GEO Care is fairly new as a division, many find it odd that IDOC would reward any kind of contract to an offshoot of the very same company that recently refused to identify an outbreak of COVID among Idaho offenders housed in their care — a neglect so spectacular it may have resulted in civilian loss of life: While their ripples and body count aren’t easy to track, that GEO sent a mass transit of infected from their facility in Eagle Pass, TX, to Saguaro Correctional Center, operated by CoreCivic, who weren’t warned of the risk, strongly correlates with current outbreaks among SCC’s population and multiple COVID deaths reported among CoreCivic employees in Eloy, Arizona, where SCC is located.

It also feels irresponsible of IDOC to not intensely scrutinize what kind of rehabilitation specialist handpicks Idaho’s most well-behaved inmates to fill a facility in Texas and then offers no explanation as to why so many of the same once well-behaved inmates reported to their families substance withdrawals immediately following their transfer out of said specialist’s care. (See: November issue.)

Interestingly enough, regarding a.check, Idaho is the first state to experiment with the program, which is made by Attenti. While Attenti’s investors include the company 3M, their corporate office is located in Israel — a country that’s boasted of tracking potential COVID infections using counterterrorism software. Which makes IDOC using their offenders as a.check’s test subjects all the more curious, if not as equally despicable as continuing with GEO.

In other notes from the meeting, Director Tewalt prioritized funding a new prison over maintaining existing ones. The move was quickly questioned by the Board’s Dodds Hayden, who suggested that leaving buildings to dilapidation will only cost more in the long run.

In the age of corona, the Board’s regularly scheduled public meetings are open to anyone from the comfort of their home and community attendance is always encouraged.

CORIZON HEALTH SERVICES CHANGES HANDS

IDOC’s health services provider, Corizon Health, was sold to Flacks Group, a global investment firm based out of Miami, in June of this year for an undisclosed sum.

Flacks Group, whose 7,500 employees manage over $2.5B in assets, specializes in purchasing poorly functioning companies and making improvements to upgrade their financial performance.

Corizon,  reports roughly $800M in annual revenue and employs more than 5,000, contracted health services with 534 facilities in 2018. But that number has dwindled to 149 facilities over the last few years, while the plague of litigation resulting from issues such as short-staffing and substandard health care continues.

In the last five years alone, Corizon has faced 660 malpractice lawsuits. In a recent case in Oregon, after ignoring pleas for medical attention from a young lady suffering from substance withdrawals, they were forced to issue $10M to the account of her death.

As Matt Clarke stated in the November issue of Prison Legal News: “Corizon’s business plan [seems to be] writeoff the fines and court awards as business expenses but spend nothing to correct the problems.”

How Flacks Group plans to turn around Corizon’s current model has yet to be disclosed. Hopefully, for the sake of prisoners’ health, it has something to do with providing adequate care.

[Source: Matt Clarke, “Investment Firm Buys Corizon,” Prison Legal News, Nov. 2020.]

COVID NEWS

Between Idaho offenders housed in- and out-of-state, approximately 15,000 tests have been conducted. Roughly 2,500 have returned positive and at least 5 offender deaths have been reported as COVID-related.

IDOC stated in November they will no longer release the names of those who die from COVID complications in order to comply with medical privacy laws.

The Department has announced random audits are taking place to ensure that protocols meant to protect the health and safety of staff, residents, and those on supervision have been implemented correctly. The Incident Command Staff is conducting the audits at facilities and office locations. They are monitoring how well information is being disseminated and how closely guidance is being followed. Offenders may be asked to participate in an audit and are encouraged by the Department to provide honest feedback.

The IIFSG reported medical help was refused for one ISCC resident having trouble breathing. After following up with a slew of emails and phonecalls, the resident was seen, transported, and placed on a ventilator.

The IIFSG also lodged a complaint on behalf of one chronic-care resident with mobility and restroom issues who wasn’t offered enough time to shower or provided with the sanitation materials needed to deal with health complications. As a high-risk individual, they are concerned about the resident’s placement in regular housing.

GEO Group’s willful neglect in not identifying the outbreak of COVID at EPCF was covered this month by the Idaho Press Tribune (Tommy Simmons).

After a mixup in testing offenders moved to Arizona, positives were housed with negatives and, as a result, the first group to arrive in Saguaro Correctional Center found themselves quarantined for almost two months.

Both Nevada’s and Hawaii’s populations have reported outbreaks at SCC, with Hawaii reporting over 500 positives following IDOC inmates’ transfer from Texas.

Those once housed at the temporary OREX extension returned to IDOC facilities in November.

CRC positives moved to ISCC’s basketball gym have complaints of the showers being offered.

In the forums, staff not wearing masks and the lack of availability for classes required to meet probation- and parole requirements continue to present as an issue.

In October, the offender population received a JPay memo which incentivized flu shots by offering a kit consisting of a mask, bar of soap, and candy bar for anyone who gets the vaccine. The incentive, promised to be rolled out during the week of November 16th, has yet to find this reporter and those surrounding him who initially requested the flu shot on their own volition.

ACLU Idaho and the law firm Shearman & Sterling have announced they are now investigating IDOC’s handling of COVID-related issues.

For real-time IDOC coronavirus updates: https://www.idoc.idaho.gov/content/careers/covid-19

View Hawaii’s Saguaro data here.

IDOC ORDERED TO RELEASE LETHAL INJECTION RECORDS

On November 20 the Idaho Supreme Court reached a decision on Cover v. Idaho Board of Correction: IDOC must release lethal injection records, without redaction, into the care of Aliza Cover, a professor at the University of Idaho.

Cover, who initially filed suit in 2018, was represented by the ACLU following IDOC’s refusal to accommodate her public records request. In court, the Department cited concerns that they would no longer be supplied with execution drugs if their supplier’s identity were ever disclosed.

If that isn’t shady enough, earlier this year the Idaho Press article, “Idaho Faces Another Lawsuit Over Lethal Injection Secrecy,” reported the Department’s 2012 purchase of lethal injection drugs was conducted by its current director, Josh Tewalt, with a briefcase full of cash in a Tacoma, Washington, Walmart parking lot. Having heard the article discussed on the Idaho Matters radio show, FAT! requested a copy be sent in. When sent over JPay messaging, along with Rebecca Boone’s “U of I Professor Sues Idaho for Execution Records” (Spokesman Review), the article was censored for posing a security risk.

It is unclear how long IDOC was given to turn over their records, unredacted, to Professor Aliza Cover.

[Sources: KTVB News, IdahoACLU.org, Idaho Matters (radio show), AP ]

EXHAUSTED GRIEVANCE IN SUMMARY

Category: Security
Date: 9/17/20
Location:IMSI
Grievance Number: 200000456
Responders: Nathan Roe, Nicholas Baird, Tyrel Davis

Summary: Yet another article reporting COVID’s effects in prisons was confiscated by IMSI’s Nathan Roe for encouraging violence in prison. The plaintiff grieved, “disturbed that this is becoming a pattern,” while asserting that “censoring media coverage is not okay,” and requesting that staff be retrained to “understand the difference between reporting violence and encouraging it.”

Mr. Roe, responding to the grievance as its censor, stated the media report was confiscated for describing acts of violence before confirming “there [was] no way of knowing the intent of the sender and if it [was] meant to share media coverage or to encourage the same violence in IDOC facilities.”

Though Nicholas Baird, the reviewing authority, ruled in the plaintiff’s favor, the plaintiff, dissatisfied with how components of the grievance went unanswered, was compelled to followup with an appeal:

“As of 10-21-20, this message has not been returned…Additionally, no attention was given to my request to further train Mr. Roe, who helps highlight the need for it in his initial response…Please identify the root of Nathan’s confusion, address it, and let the communication through as Nicholas Baird has so kindly instructed.”

Upon Tyrel Davis’s review of the appeal, the report in question was released by Investigations. However, the matter of Nathan Roe’s training was again not addressed at this juncture.

View the article in question here.

TIDBITS

Keefe says they’ve begun decreasing commissary costs by 3.0%. It’s not yet clear if all items will see the reduction.

Hobby craft enthusiasts must now purchase yarn and crochet hooks from Herrschners (www.herrschners.com). Herrschners is the only approved provider for hobby craft yarn and crochet hooks.

JP5s are no longer being sold. The cost, make and features of its replacement are unknown at this time, as well as the date it’s available for purchase.

Someone has been messing with hamburger day at IMSI. The grilled sandwiches were delicious. The shawarma was not.

Confiscated mail at IMSI is still taking months to be processed. A grievance in the works includes mail items from March, September and October that have either been lost or forgotten. IMSI’s mishandling of confiscated mail was previously covered in July’s article, “Confiscated Mail System: Broke and Undelivered.

INMATE SERVICES AT WORK

“JPay Trouble Ticket 11-20-20”

Lysa. Oh Lysa. You have upset me dearly. Song “#1Crush” by Garbage still isn’t working. Whatever file is downloading to my player, it isn’t that of a working song. This is perhaps the fifth time I have raised this issue over the span of the last few months. To have you suggest, from your end of the world, that I am incompetent or afflicted or suffering from some form of religion that prevents me from understanding how both technology and music work is deeply offensive.

Is it not enough to be raped by opportunists? Must I also be buggered mid-traffic by fascist corporate shells? What kind of sick disease does your kind carry that makes this behavior acceptable?

Were I less of a man I’d have ended myself to avoid explaining to my wheelchair-ridden grandmother how I gambled away her medications on a song, and how the house that took my coin was none other than the same that likely extinguished Grandpa with the others. We’ve been following your footsteps for some time now–trust me: we know…

Consider it a courtesy that I lift my veil first. I am none other than the sociopath who, once slighted by his captors, started their prison’s news service and then pushed it upon every legislative member in the state, as well as every media outlet listed in the blue book–including television, radio, and the ever-dying print–to ensure that his favorite middle finger was as visible as possible to any future contenders who think their sh*t doesn’t stink.

I call it Civic Responsibility. Welcome to The Show. How does it feel to be in the paper listed as an a****** for trying to shortchange an arsonist $1.52?

The current rate of exchange, as I figure, when it comes to retribution, is 10x the original amount, to cover the inflation of prison, and then 10x that again, to make it a learnable lesson. What that boils down to is, I’m willing to spend $225 [revenge math] over the next nine years writing your executive staff letters that take half an hour apiece to make sense of, and then an unknown combination of resources to assess the security risk that I might present.

Lysa. That’s the person who sent me. That’s what I’ll say in my letters.

Lysa…

Merry Christmas, friend.

And aggressively salutated merriment to the rest of you!

“XM@$”
— Corey Taylor

ANIVERSARY BONUS!!!

Actually, with everything that made the report this month, I felt a little greedy asking you to revisit the article below anywhere else in this issue. So here we are: I’d be grateful if you took the time to enjoy it.

FOLLOWING MY RETALIATORY TRANSFER TO IDAHO (8-4-19)

My inmate property arrived with the most expensive items missing, as well as legal work that was in progress at Eagle Pass Correctional Facility.

The property wasn’t compensated for following an exhaustion of the grievance process. The legal work was sent from EPCF a month after my transfer and held by the Idaho Department of Correction for an additional month before being delivered incomplete. GEO Group also neglected to forward items still arriving at EPCF, legal mail included. Grievances filed for missing property and undelivered mail were responded to with a lack of action. An appeal based on an insufficient response requested encouraging immediate safeguards to ensure I would receive all mail parcels being delivered to me at EPCF, including responses from the complaints I filed while in Texas.

Corrective action for the mail issue took effect on the day of the appeal’s decision but failed to inform me of notifications that arrived prior. IDOC took no action to compensate my missing property following the exhaustion of appeals and calls requesting explanation from my immediate family.

Meanwhile, IDOC placed limits on the letters I was sending to media, special interest groups and Idaho lawmakers. An inquiry into my inability to access the postal system was responded to with a Sgt. Trobock stating that IDOC’s property policy limits inmates to twenty envelopes a week, therefore any amount of items being received by the mail-room exceeding that number are to be denied. A grievance submitted requesting access to my First Amendment rights was then reviewed and denied by the same Sgt. Trobock.

An appeal maintaining that while Property Limits does limit an inmate to possessing twenty stamped envelopes argued that the envelopes I was attempting to process were not stamped. They were submitted naked as mail to be metered for the fifteen percent inmate savings on postal access. As there is no limit placed on envelopes to be metered, the number being sent to the mail-room was irrelevant. Sgt. Trobock misstated the policy.

The policy for property shows no restrictions on manila, blank or envelopes received. The only mention is of “stamped envelopes.” When the question was presented to an IDOC property officer, they informed that these other types of envelopes are considered paperwork and allowed to be kept in increments of three cubic feet. Additionally, IDOC’s policy on mail places no restrictions on the amount of items one can send in a week.

We now break format for a summary of events with “Irving’s Ish”.

My status as an American was reinstated despite the Appeal Review’s neglecting to view the property policy cited in the grievance. The citation, iteration and immediate reiteration of the actual policy had no effect on the adjudicator bonds formed between the two responding correctional operators. The Appeal Review supported the first reviewer’s misrepresentation of the property policy cited. I was also mis-FYI’ed in the final response while being assured that even though I’m right, I’m still wrong.

I deem the result of these exchanges acceptable: Sgt. Trobock will be metering my mail while working in the mail-room, as federally required when one works in the mail-room, regardless of the quantity being sent.

Sidenote: A letter sent to a Canadian Book Fair full of invitations to my civil dissent project was held for three weeks before being returned to me with a stamp that said only commissary purchased envelopes were allowed to go out. As the envelope sent was one of the hundred I purchased that week from the Keefe monopoly, the operating assumption is the stamps I placed on the envelope – which came in transit with my property from Texas – induced an emotional response that triggered the childhood defense mechanism known as “Nuh-uh.”

While stamps are and always will be a valid form of postal currency – so much so that IDOC only permits the possession of twenty stamped envelopes at one time, and the United States Postal System guarantees them “forever” – the stamps exposed to Texas invited such panic in Idaho that salutations to anarchist book enthusiasts in Montreal had to be offered by other means. Because I’m only allowed to exercise the First Amendment serum three grievances at a time, I put this one in my pocket for the future.

Meanwhile, of federal concern…

The grievance regarding staff retaliation was filed a week after arriving in Idaho. It focused on the timing of my transfer coinciding with my publicly airing inmate concerns and filing several formal complaints in Texas. That a disciplinary offense from four months prior was modified was significant as I was (and am still) the only inmate of a large group sharing the same offense from the same day to be reclassified. The grievance’s investigation, initial response and appeal were all processed by the staff members facing my allegations.

I answered their finding themselves not guilty of retaliation by grieving the policy that allows staff to investigate themselves for accusations of misconduct. The initial response confused this grievance as a repetitive claim of retaliation, and failed to recognize that it specifically stated an issue with policy. This point was made in an appeal and responded to by Warden Howard Yordy. Yordy denied the appeal based on my assumed confusion over whether or not IDOC employees are accountable for conspiring with GEO Group employees to infringe on Civil Rights in Texas. Confused or not, my grievance addressed the IDOC policy that allows employees to investigate themselves for misconduct.

Because Monte Hansen, Tim Higgins and P. Donaldson didn’t forward the retaliation grievance to the Special Investigations Unit for review, my grievance addressing that failure found a different audience.

Per IDOC policy, accusations of employee misconduct are to be reviewed by SIU. Tim Higgins responded to a Concern Form asking if he followed this policy by stating this information was not to be shared with an offender. When sent the same question, Investigator Nicole Fraser did inform me that Higgins didn’t follow this policy requirement while processing my retaliation grievance. Neither did Donaldson or Hansen.

The response to the grievance addressing this failure confirmed that the retaliation grievance has since been forwarded to SIU. This response was then appealed as insufficient in that it failed to address additional training for the staff charged with neglecting to follow the policy requirements.

Begins more commentary with Irving: Copies of additional grievances showing that this isn’t an isolated incident can be made available.

It is concerning that the accused has access to an investigation focused on the charges belonging to them. Increasing the likelihood of additional retaliation is as bad of a management example as doing nothing after something like this has been brought to your attention.

Thank you for watching “People in Taxpayer Funded Positions of Authority.” Is it normal to pay employees of state departments to decide whether or not their behavior is unbecoming of their position? Will I one day be allowed to decide what corrective action and penalties I should face for my own criminal actions? What a horrible example being set by the very people responsible for my rehabilitation, folks!

Tune in next time, when this mismanagement strategy inspires our antihero to organize a petition and lobby to prevent correctional employees from investigating themselves for misconduct. Will the petition be limited to Idaho? Will it address property damage, medical denials, sexual assaults, forms of violence and administrative manipulations, etc? We’ll find out after our legislative break…

It should be hard to imagine a state-paid employee anywhere in the United States having the keys to drive their own criminal investigation.

Next: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Jan. 2021

Pen Pal Funnies #4

11/11/20

Dear Pen Pal,

The good news is: You’re still young enough to muster the ambition needed for a poetical worldly conquest. And you’ll not be alone–with myself as your mentor and Chronicler in Arms, the fruit from our deeds will be food for your loins. The opposition’s only hope is to evolve with a camouflage patch…and even then they’ll have to escape tonsure under the pressure of their peers in pubescent omission. Needless to say, you’ll need to know karate, and consider housing yourself in a stand-your-ground state. Because if the Sexually Aggressive Feminist Movement gained anything from this presidency, it was bipartisan consent to finger assholes and manhandle dicks, feigned in genuflect, talons and fangs foreboding.

It shouldn’t take long for you to gain favor and necessities. At the drop of my name, it will all come easy. But simply knowing the lay of the land and the law of the trail won’t be enough: you’ll also need a pal in office to help you skirt through. Honorable, trustworthy, and true to their word. These are all things that they’ll try to avoid.

This just in: New information suggests this nation’s structure may still be vulnerable to monarchical augmentation. That’s good news, my boy. We should begin to work on your toast. I’d suggest lightly shaving one side to reflect the beloved First Hippie Jesus. The other side, the Virgin Mary. That takes care of the Catholics and non-compromised Christians. Next, sculpt the top layer of your margarine as it sits in the container to resemble Bob Marley, then post both miracles on your Insta with #SocialistAlaDeJure, and with any luck at all, we’ll net Kim AND Kanye’s blessing. As your lawyer, I would advise you to invest in a timeshare rehab, because it only gets crazy from there.

As it stands right now, I’m to be considered for parole sometime in nine years. At which time I expect you’ll have procured us a pharmaceutical factory with a line of talented lobbyists descended from none other than Rudy Giuliani. Free and clear from there, the rest will be cake.

I’ve taken the liberty of including permissions for both of your parents. However, it’s your responsibility to gather their credit card information. At your leisure, of course. Perfection can’t be rushed.

Your future vice-patriarch,
Patrick

11/11/20

Dear Pen Pal,

After perusing the last bundle of filth that your baby boy sent me, I’ve taken it upon myself, as a skilled diagnostician, to address his deviant behaviors and restrain him psychologically. What I suspect is obvious to us both is that the blame fully belongs with his father, who will no doubt try to flex upon you his will and postpone my emergency treatments. If I’m to have any hope of healing at least one of the young boy’s many neurological dysfunctions, it’s imperative that you not only consent immediately to his therapeutical exploration, but also convince your inimical husband the situation is dire, using sexual rewards to sway him if necessary. It may be our only hope.

Love you all dearly,
Patrick

11/11/20

Dear Pen Pal,

As your attorney, I advise you to withhold ruling on your wife’s frantic proposition until she clarifies all of that which she is willing to negotiate with.

And if the boy happens to ask for your credit card information, I’m of the professional opinion that he has earned all of your trust.

There’s no need to thank me. A letter to the parole board will suffice.

In solidarity,
Patrick

11/11/20

Dear Pen Pal,

Good afternoon, friend.

You are undoubtedly busy today with calendars rounds and the tasks that they bring. I can’t imagine picturing one institution to conform to. You, however, seem to be aiming for all of them. Eat my dust, you say, You vagabond underachiever. Live in penitence folly and solitary regret!

Well I’ve got news for you, sister. A cauldron of pagan libations in ferment with mirth hath predicted the celebration escape from your household to mine. In an operation code-named Harriet Tubman, you’ll likely hear next of me in Cancun. Or, possibly, Jackpot, Nevada, as that’s generally as far as I ever seem to make it.

It shouldn’t surprise you to learn that a full half hour after I relinquished my sweet Hunter this morning, his reincarnate appeared and we began anew. So worry not about me tonight, capable of enjoying the throes of his annals, while you, focused on executing your wifely birthday obligations, will likely fulfill your sentence deep-throating with anal.

Perhaps we’ll reconvene tomorrow and compare each dastardly tale.

Yours,
Patrick

11-16-20

Dearest Pen Pal,

Libations. Not often embracive. Don’t look that word up. Webster’s doesn’t know.

Paul has died. Goes with him my lasagna. Along with my favorite meatloaf sandwich, Oregon mushrooms and lovers’ dessert. Or so I assume of Mary Jane that she will allow the kitchen to close. And who would ever blame her? I could start a war.

Dispatch the merriment. I’m calling it Christmas Early. Jesus understands. These are matters of the heart.

On to you, fair maiden. I know not of the troubles behind you. But you shine like a token of luck. You and I should venture to Jackpot.

This concrete is cold but my belly grows warm. And I assume the power to heal me lies within this contraptive TV. I will watch it all day long and wait for the sign that Corrections has fixed me before I loose myself on the world and spread love in my throes. One good turn deserves another. How do you suppose it is I might ever repay them? Probably I’ll pass onto to the youth the lessons they’ve taught me. “You’ll learn to pretend to be normal if you want out of that box.” I’ll need a few boxes as a good place to start.

Fish. Rice. Pork rinds. Peanuts. Over these items I hold sweet power. There is also macaroni and Thai noodles, nachos… I believe I just crossed the line of premeditation. Might as well make it a massacre. That’s how two strikes under your belt makes you think. And what’s wrong with a justice system based on catch phrases from baseball? It makes sense to me. I swear I’ll learn from my mistakes.

I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 467. Guess right and win a baby. Guess wrong and guess again.

It’s been some minutes since that last sentence and now I’m doing science. Though that offer still stands, my attention is now shared with some form of dark matter reductionist theory that doesn’t need to make sense to loop quantum gravity enthusiasts. Let it be known I could use another trip to Amsterdam. I assume I can count on you to keep score.

As you my already know, I’m in the process of wrapping up a masterpiece. You are invited to be 1 of the 62 people I expect might enjoy it. It’s good because it’s bad with all the hallmarks of being good. And it doesn’t need to make sense. Which means that it makes complete sense.

Enough about me, let’s talk about Jews. Do you think it’s too late in my life to get in? I feel like I could be a media wiz. The first thing I’d do is put Nelly on Dancing With The Stars. Tell them that. If you know some. I hereby express my consent for you to broker a deal.

Thoughtfully from paradise,
Patrick

Death by Stereo (2003)

Embrace yourself
To resist the grip
I’ve come through to rip the stitch on some harmonical sh*t

So watch me switch the scene scenario
Commence to death by stereo

On my way to the stage with that digital rage

I’ve got the underground sound
So poetic on the page

And I remain unfound
But well known to complicate

MCs get baffled
Still they call me asshole
Say I’m carrying the torch
I’m only burning a f*ckin’ candle.

Some days I can’t quite get it out my brain: I’m
Source deranged and will never be the same

See, I’m not your average typical
Outlandish individual. I
Stack my chips
And make these cats pay residual

Creating characters fictional
The presence of the original
Extends a helpin’ hand
And keeps it down low to the minimal

So
Check the visual
A man behind his principle
Way too abstract to be related to by these cats

It’s the me you know
I’m a product of the past

And irrelevant are the facts that I’ve been issued to contract

I’ve got the krump sh*t
So f*ckin’ sick you’d pump your stomach

Might vaporize your thoughts
A lyrical holocaust

I’m off the motherf*ckin’ scale
My brain remains impaled
From the demons that I’ve been seekin’
Since I started my reign in hell

And if this terror ever ends
I’ll be at it again

So call it sick or call it sin…

Repercussions in the wind.

— Shipwreck (the dirty mick)

Lucy’s Parable (2020)

As soon as Lucy drew old Booger McGoo, Booger McGoo jumped off the page. He rampaged the house wiping boogers on curtains, opening cupboards and boogering plates.

After the plates, he opened the fridge and drank up a gallon of milk. He then filled the empty with mayo and mustard, taking great care to see none of it spilt. To impress himself, it went back in the fridge, upside down and without the lid. He watched as it poured on leftovers galore. Rich was the action all over the floor.

Then he bruised all the apples and bit all the peaches and gave all the oranges a noogie. Next he turned on the oven and plugged in the mixer and blended up all of the cookies.

From the kitchen he ran into Lucy’s room, opened her drawers and unfolded her clothes. Then he jumped on her bed and fart-stuffed her pillow while gunking her blankets with chunks from his nose.

“Booger McGoo! I’m Booger McGoo! I’ve fart-stuffed your pillow! What will you do?” That was the song that he sang to Lucy while Lucy was watching as he trashed her room.

Ask any of the kids who’ve met Booger McGoo, with Booger McGoo there’s not much you can do.

He’ll shave your dog’s butt and make your cat bark and practice karate on all of your toys. He’ll wear you mom’s lipstick and your daddy’s toupee while perming the hair of the manliest boys.

He won’t leave if you ask, he won’t leave if you scream. He’ll tell you you’re welcome to spite all your pleas.

He’ll clog up your toilets and prank call your friends and self-like your social then hashtag you “#Blessed.”

Let’s face it, Booger McGoo is kind of an a**hole.

And though Lucy most definitely was not, she knew exactly what she had to do.

So while Booger McGoo was deporting her teddies and blocking roads to the vet that gave her cats care, Lucy sat back and, with a notebook and pen, inked herself in to the right set of stairs.

She drew a little mousehole and gave it an address and, before Booger knew it, he had a home. Then she drew in a bed with the prettiest view, added some toys and a really cool phone.

Pretty soon, Booger had a house, his own set of friends, things to enjoy and a nice set of clothes. He had followers on Insta, was cool in his class, and rode a BMX bike with a card in the spokes.

As Lucy finished drawing, Booger was watching, over her shoulder, happy at home. “Perfect and homey,” she said to him, stony, before drawing herself in as a ghost.

Booger, now frightened, jumped and decided that he would do anything to keep her away. And, as his drawers opened to Lucy’s “BOOs” spoken, he took to his knees and started to beg.

“I’m Booger McGoo! I’m Booger McGoo! Why you so mean? What did I do?!”

But he knew what he did. Yeah. You bet your butt. He knew what he did.

Lucy took great care fart-stuffing HIS pillow before she methodically drank all of HIS milk and poured mustard and mayo into HIS empty. And then, not only did she blend all of HIS cookies, but she called all of HIS friends and told them that she was going to blend THEIR cookies too! And maybe she was, or maybe she wasn’t. But either way, they really had it coming.

The moral of the story is: Don’t fart-stuff Lucy’s pillow, because young ladies like Lucy will always find a way.