Updates

9-9-20

Hola Pen Pal,

Tú eres intelegente, interesante y paro uso externo solamente. Yo soy feo, pequeño y viejo. No se exponga directamente al sol mientras esté tomando medicamento.

Rechoncho señoritas venga con la vejiga llena. Nosotros agite bien antes de usar. ¿Como se dice “desvístase de la cintura para arriba” in inglés?

Perezoso la familia de mi novio: inhale una bocanada, inhale una dosis por la nariz, inhale una dosis por cada fosa nasal. Perezoso.

Estire sus brazos. Mire hacia el frente. Quítese toda todas la ropa. Diga cuando sienta dolor. Quitar el “mal del ojo.” Tú eres valiente el útero. Mucho gusto.

Póngase esta hilo. Te presentó guía de adelante emocionado. Sano miembro. ¿El ano?

Hace tres años que yo no como la carne. Yo tango que trabajar. Yo tengo que comer!

Hay muchos hombres aquí. ¿Hay una mujer en la casa? No! Tú tienes que venir conmigo. Vamos a ir de vacaciones. Azumule y traiga la orina de las últimas 24 horas. Tenemos prisa.

Yo soy amamantar,
Patricio
…

9-17-20

Dear Pen Pal,

One of these days I’m going to patent an envelope that I can seal a fart in. And if you think I send a lot of letters now…

I might actually have to get a job to support all my sending.

I bet people would pay me to file their taxes…considering I’d be with unique qualifications.

…Like the ability to turn the IRS into Brokeback Sauna.

My envelopes will have a string on the short side that people can pull to open up like a gum pack. I expect the first thing a person will do once that string is unraveled is bring that envelope to eye-level so they can take a look while blowing real hard to open it up. I’ll call that little booby trap the Tasmanian Ricochet.

…I never promised anyone I’d only use my powers for good.

Did I ever tell you about the little amputee neighbor kid that I used to take to movies and amusement parks and places? That kid was nothing short of a hero. She could hold a fifth in each hollowed-out leg. I’d save at least six times whatever I paid for her ticket.

And absolutely no tolerance…back when she was still little. Nowadays you can’t take her anywhere. She turned into a goddamn horrible alcoholic.

I can’t tell you the trouble I had trying to find her replacement. I fed the other neighborhood kids pure sugar for years and not one of ’em ever caught the right kind of diabetes.

What about you? You got any fatties?

Xoxoxo,
Patrick
…

9-23-20

Dear Pen Pal,

I’d like to address something with you, if you don’t mind: I have some kind interest in you. I’m sorry I’ve waited this long to inform you. The fact is, I can be kind of shy. And all your wonderful facets don’t make it easy for me to identify ways to approach you. Which means the most I dare tell you is that I think you’re incredibly smart and maybe only sort of pretty but you make up for that in friendliness and my wife is no looker either. That said, maybe you’d let me call or message you recreationally sometime?

I understand a request like this has the possibility to add layers of conflict to our current obligations, so I’ve decided I’m going to quit today, benefits be damned, and tell the old hatchet she’ll be allowed to support my intermittency while I attentively devote myself to helping my new pretty-in-the-right-light kind-of-way girlfriend form a relationship with me. Consider it a show of faith towards a potentially meaningful entanglement.

What matters to you most is that you know I’m serious. That’s why I’m going to have you draw us up some contracts for my custody arrangement–I expect you both will sign and shake hands by the end of the day. (It feels kind of weird knowing that’s the last order I’ll be giving as your boss. It’s really very liberating, wouldn’t you say?)

Of course I don’t expect either of you to lay ink blindly, not knowing exactly what all you’re getting into, so I’ve scheduled us a threesome at noon, where I’ll let you formally introduce yourself and apprise her of the fact that you’ll be applying to become my newly appointed guardian, therefore access to her Netflix and credit cards would be a big help. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the importance of this meeting, which is why you’ll also call my karate-dance instructor and reschedule for tomorrow.

Historically speaking, your try-out with my wife is bound to finish early, meaning that we’ll still have a good 55 minutes for lunch. So why don’t you go ahead and schedule that somewhere nice? I’m thinking cute and nostalgic…preferably with a ballpit and slide.

Now, keeping in mind it’s doctor-recommended that I wear a helmet when I get excited…and remember how my wife accidentally slammed both her hands in my car door?…well, that dummy lost all dexterity in her shoe-tying fingers, so you’ll need to run the comb through my helmet hair and prep my afternoon. Also, I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but Kirby’s been wearing his bangs in a wave. So you’re going to need to do a better wave than Kirby’s, and it’s probably best if we go with dinosaur-wing shoes.

I wouldn’t worry to much about how to draw them on. You can use the stencil that I made for when we tattoo your face.

Now then, I’m sure you have opinions?

That’s cute. I bet they’re important, too.

Well, you should probably get back to work so I can call your husband. It looks like somebody’s going to have themselves a little extra free time…

Cc: Linda, Janice, Deb (from accounting),
Patrick

…

9-24-20

Dear Pen Pal,

It was nice outside this morning. And apparently I’m back on weird guy status, which most everybody is already use to. So it’s not that big a deal. Funny story, though…

So, in the rec cages the other day, a guy was talking about a friend who found a note on the windshield of his car, which was sitting in his apartment’s parking lot. It said something to the effect that he had an admirer who enjoyed watching him leave every morning for work.

The next day, another note, describing how he was attractive. The next day, another one, wondering if they might be able to share an intimate moment. And it was somewhere around the fourth day where the note described how its author must just be needing a good fist in his asshole because, by now, his admiree is driving him crazy.

Of course the other guy listening to this story with me thought it was just crazy as all hell. And while they’re both mulling over what kind of sinister f*** would do such a thing, I told them it reminded me of The Notebook.

So now the conversation turns into what kind of sinister f*** I am for the next two days. To which I assume I’m the best kind. But all I can do is tell them I’m equally disturbed by the sociopath that doesn’t appreciate a good love story.

Sometimes I don’t understand how it is that I’m the weird one.

Huh,
Patrick
…

3-6-19

Dear Mr. Tim Dorsey,

What strange fans you must have. It simply isn’t enough to offer a description of my appreciation for Serge A. Storms. I’ve taken the extra step and embodied his utility usurpations in my fight with a Florida-based private prison company holding Idaho residents on the Mexican border.

Following a lengthy career of practicing medicine without a license and assisting combustion between billing cycles, I found myself reading this sign in an employee lounge: “At GEO, we believe that diversity in our workplace and the inclusion of views, perspectives and backgrounds is an integral part of our company’s success.”

That I am the reason these people are employed and my having no reasons to be in that lounge is insignificant. Message received: I’m here to create a working model of efficiency.

Fortunately, between solving the universe’s greatest mysteries for my favorite physicists, telling SETI how to hunt for aliens, and building a personalized companion using the NSA’s AI programs in ways that were never intended, I have some free time to further assist the modernization of human trafficking. It’s a standard rendition of Undercover Boss.

My tribute to Serge A. Storms is available for free download at bookofirving82431.com. You are welcome to share.

Lovingly embattled,
Patrick Irving 82431
…

5-9-19

GEO Billing,

Your Eagle Pass Correctional Facility weaseled its way out of paying for the following property that was lost, damaged, misplaced or other:

1 book: Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by NDT $20
1 book: Quantum Space by Jim Baggot $25
1 book: Manga Guide to Statistics $20
1 book: Streamliner by John Wall 17.67
1 pair of headphones $30
1 blanket $20
1 pillow + pillow case $3
1 Masterlock $10
1 black mattress case I stole from you — sentimental value
1 pair Champion boxer briefs $4
1 mirror w/magnet $3
1 pair black sunglasses $2
L green athletic shorts $17
1 TV and Coax Cable $75
1 Timex watch $35
1 book light $12
1 day planner $20
6 bottles of oil $36
1 paycheck $48
1 bowl $3
Legal work 60hrs @ $225hr

I am responding to your fuckery with some of my own. Mine will be much more expensive. See for yourself @ bookofirving82431.com.

Love,
Patrick Irving 82431
…

5-23-19

GEO Group (Billing),

This is a receipt acknowledging the return of the following items and their respective values:

1 pair of headphones $30
1 pair of black sunglasses $2
Legal work 60 hours @ $225hr

Your account will be credited to reflect these returns.

Love,
Patrick Irving 82431
…

6–30-19

Dear GEO Group,

VIolations Of Texas Minimum Jail Standards @ bookofirving82431.com.

Your account will be credited $5.

You’re welcome,
Patrick Irving 82431
…

6-30-19

Dear CoreCivic:

After spending the last year in facilities run by The GEO Group, Inc, I have collected a healthy amount of documentation highlighting their inability to perform daily operations. My Department of Corrections and our Idaho taxpayers have entrusted GEO to provide our inmates with a respectable opportunity for rehabilitation in humane conditions. The presentation I have compiled for public viewing and litigation interests focuses on the violations of basic rights during daily operations at our GEO-contracted Eagle Pass Correctional Facility, which lies on the Mexican Border. It is bound to be an expensive realization.

At the same time millions are being funneled to this inferior corrections service, some of that money is returned lobbying our politicians in Idaho. This for the right to build a much larger, very expensive, and, quite likely, equally dysfunctional prison next to our other state-ran facilities.

I know your company has a history with IDOC, the details aren’t important to me. What is important to me is spreading awareness to taxpayers. Not just in Idaho but in every other state considering The GEO Group as a viable option for their inmate populations as well.

With this being an incredibly present issue, I believe we find ourselves in a position of unique opportunity. I would be willing to offer you my presentation and support, in addition to untethered access to what the litigative remedies I’m seeking uncover. Done properly, your company would realize immediate benefits as a competitive business.

In this arrangement, I ask two things. The first, understand that I’m against private prisons and many of the reasons we see overcrowding. In my ideal world, neither of your companies would exist. As that is not the case, I must invest in the more professional option. Having spent time in a facility run by CCA, I know that option belongs to you. Better facilities means better chances of rehabilitation, and that is an American win.

The second thing I ask is for your consideration. Supporting a prisoner’s pursuit in litigating Civil Rights violations has its own benefits. I am with the ability to make flexible arrangements.

I have assumed the responsibility of sending 1,000 letters this year with similarly customized presentations regarding these issues. I reach out to you now and provid you with materials to make my case for $.55. My mailing list consists of media, politicians, legal interests, prison advocates and influencers. Each of which bring their own unique audience.

I will attach a sample of what some of them will receive. Please review at your leisure. You are welcome to share as you wish.

Respectfully,
Patrick Irving 82431
…

3-14-20

GEO Group:

“GEO Group Puts Inmates At An Elevated Risk–Is Warden Waymon Barry the Angel of Death?”

Google it. I’m crediting your balance $5.00

Love,
Patrick Irving 82431
…

9-12-20

Dear GEO Group,

Sorry to hear about your Eagle Pass facility becoming vacant.

Your account will be credited $5.

Love,
Patrick Irving 82431

“Masters of War”
— B.O.B.

8-29-20

Dear Professional Journalists:

I have a story you may be interested in. This transmission is proof of the story as it is being transcribed by some form of sentient robot. It is a stubborn robot, requiring me to poke and prod at it with my fingers before it communicates to you my message, but stubbornness is a sure sign of character, which only offers further validation of this incredible story.

I also find it quite likely this proves that there’s aliens, as it’s rather hard to believe people could have done this on their own. I implore you to investigate and run your inspections while the machine is still tame, before I introduce it to the wild.

Perhaps you’ll need a translator? I could give it a go. So far I’ve only faced minor injuries, and with equal wins and losses, I believe I have the negotiation skills you’ll need to conduct a proper interrogation of this beast.

Standing by for further instruction,
Patrick the Alien Robot Negotiator
…

8-29-20

Dear Pen Pal,

I am very excited to have a friend in writing. You have brought much value to my day. To find myself considering themes and what draws me towards characters is almost so new that it’s strange, which we both know I’m a fan of…so maybe it’s fitting that I’m even odd when giving thanks. In any case–and I’m sure your husband doesn’t let a day pass without reminding you–you are quite the angel, and all are lucky who surround you.

In other news, I think I have a new girlfriend. I’m not exactly sure though, because she’s Korean and I can hardly ever understand what she’s saying. I don’t imagine this to be solely resulting from her massive overbite, as her lisp has informed me she has yet to be naturalithed.

I find both her and her traditions to be quite fascinating. For instance, she says that, in her customs, marriages are arranged by families voting. And, not unlike various systems we have here, sometimes their marriages are subjected to impeachment. Though it appears these elections don’t take place on a schedule, as last year alone they voted on three, with each elected four months after the other.

And I respect the fact that their families stay close. Even as we speak she’s still living with her ex-husband. He seems really nice. He’s given us his blessing and he won’t take up much room when we get a place of our own.

I wish there was a way that I could introduce you two, but she promised to ruin my life if she caught me talking to other girls. What a sense of humor! But just in case…you understand. I’m sure I’ll write more whenever the coast is clear.

Your friend in prose,
Patrick

…
8-31-20

Dear Pen Pal,

Today has been the strangest day. First thing this morning, I went to check my nose, to see if anything that wasn’t there from the night before needed to be removed, and I noticed my finger webs came back, but this time at the end of my fingers, which made it really hard to get them up there, so I had to call for some assistance, because no one likes to break their morning traditions, and I’m pretty sure something was up there, as that tends to be the case. Well, believe it or not, nobody wanted to help, despite all those times I’ve found myself helping them out with their nose, so all day it’s been, trying to do it the old-fashioned way, just taking turns clogging nostrils and blowing as hard as I can. Now, some might say that luck was on my side, and attribute that to the fact that, while I was doing this, somehow I only managed to shart myself twice, but, it’s like I told Dave, before any of us go around counting blessings, we better wait for the week’s average because, like Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park says, Nature finds a way. What I am happy to attribute less to luck and more to economics is the fact that I was on the last leg of these drawers when they took the brunt of the impact and, not to be a complete victim of surprises, I held off on washing up and changing after the first time. And so there I was, thinking I had the worst of my day behind me, and then dinner shows up and nobody’s cut my hotdogs. No big deal, I figured, I can handle danger, but boy was I wrong, and now I’m missing more teeth. About all I can hope for now from the rest of the evening is that my picture book comes back without everything drawn in.

You ever have days like these?

Yore frend,
Patrick

…
9-1-20

Dear Pen Pal,

I’m pretty good at falling down. In fact, I’m pretty sure I can fall down better than anybody here.

But I wasn’t always this good at it. Fortunately, I have a neighbor that’s helping me train. We start early in the morning. 5:00 most days. I wake up and yell through the vent until he stops sleeping. Sometimes that takes a while but, sure enough, as soon as he wakes up he says, “That’s it. I’m up now. If you know what’s good for you, you better start practicing falling down!”

Another thing I’m good at: tying socks real tight. Pretty much just any old sock I see, I pick it up and tie it in knots. I’m so skilled that anymore it’s like I don’t even know I’m doing it. Which happens with other things too, like unraveling loose rolls of toilet paper. And sometimes those rolls that come in the package.

Also, everyone lately says I’d make a good stepdad. On account of I’m the kind of guy only a mother could love. So if you happen to have any friends that have less kids than you, maybe you should consider putting us in touch so that they can fall in love.

Not much else is new, except I’ve been writing some poems. Just really cranking them out whenever I think of things that are pretty. If I can ever figure out how to write them for the other side of the spectrum, consider it a promise that I’ll write one for you.

Did you get that picture I tore from the magazine with the monkey befriending the lady? I realize she doesn’t look much like me, but since you’re okay with metaphors, I’m supposing that one day you’ll get it.

Patrick = friend
…

9-2-20

Dear Pen Pal,

Once upon a time there was a troll in the mailroom. Utterly confused over it’s despicable features and lack of sexuality, all it could do to make itself feel better was confiscate well-wishes and eat booger sandwiches all day.

The troll would then go home and try to kick its own dog, who had grown accustomed to tactically laying shits wherever the troll laid its ugly face. But this wasn’t the reason the troll abused its only friend–nor was it the reason the troll’s coworkers always smelled turds on its breath, as that was just from the basic lack of hygiene that one would expect from a stupid f****** troll–no, the reason the troll enjoyed so much abusing its only friend is because it was unable to adopt kids, which it surely wanted to abuse as well.

One day the troll, while eating booger sandwiches, and fully engrossed watching Tucker Carlson tie Pizza Gate into COVID before proposing that separated migrant children should be enslaved to Fox News…? Oh, yes–the angry afflicted troll hate-confiscated the wrong letter, thinking it was being just as cute as the butthole where it kept its heart and soul.

Now, where most people would jump at the chance to be famous, angry butthole-faced trolls are known to shy from cameras, for they fear the historical record will forever lock them in with their stink. And while we all know that Google can’t recreate smells for great-nieces and -nephews, remember, this is a stupid f****** troll we’re talking about here–who knows what it may think?

So with its finger up its butt, as the troll read another letter, it then smelled its butt-finger and wondered, Is he talking about me?

To be continued…

— Patrick
…

9-3-20

Dear Pen Pal,

I though I’d take a minute to lay down after dinner and all of a suddenly it’s 2042. That must just be me getting old…really old. So old I just tried to give a little push and all I could poot was dust… so old I’ve been clipping all the coupons out of magazines even though I’ll probably never be allowed to go shopping again.

Hold on…that’s better — I had to put my eye back in. I was letting it rinse with my teeth and got everything mixed up. Needless to say I was without the eye for two days and then had to give it a good wash again when it popped back out.

…So old I pushed a little too hard trying to get a laugh out of my friends but nobody made fun when I shit myself because they were too jealous of the texture.

Well, TV time I suppose. Though every show ever made anymore seems to be targeting clowns. How about a show with a plot, huh? Whatever happened to that? Like a back-talking motorcycle…or crime-solving retriever that keeps the peace on Daisy’s Prairie… It’s all about who can sing and dance now, ninja courses and Pokémon…

You know, it use to be everyone could juggle chainsaws, because we couldn’t afford no damn TV. Had to perform our own show tunes…and the only prize you might expect was a smack upside the head.

Maybe if you came by to visit sometime I could tell you all about it. Unfortunately, right now I think I’m running late for another nap.

What was your name again?
Patrick

Previous: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Aug. 2020 [Censored!!!]

Welcome to the September issue of First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter that addresses Idaho Corrections concerns.

Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com.

This publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of Correction’s community. If you wish to assist this effort, share the link, cut and paste, or print and send a copy to another
…

Our Mission: To better develop our current state of Corrections.

The Idaho Legislature shares our mission and welcomes your comments! Feel free to send them your thoughts, attached to a copy of this publication.
…

EDITOR’S NOTE

If you missed August’s issue, censored for discussions on violence and sexual misconduct of staff, please be sure to check it out and voice your thoughts on social. Though WE don’t have a page, you can share the link on YOURS and show ALL your friends how to First Amend This!

They’ll dig it. Trust me. We’re hot in Korea.
…

IDOC SIGNS CONTRACT WITH CORECIVIC FOR TWO PRIVATE PRISONS IN ARIZONA

On June 18 IDOC began transferring inmates from GEO Group’s Eagle Pass Correctional Facility in Texas to CoreCivic’s Saguaro Correctional Center in Arizona. SCC is one of two Arizona facilities where IDOC has made arrangements to house offenders in effort to ease prison overcrowding in Idaho. The initial transfer of 148 inmates was the first of three to be completed by September 30, when IDOC’s contract with GEO Group expires.

Though not all the residents of EPCF will make their way to Arizona. Of the 620 Idahoans filling beds in Texas, 131 will be returned home for unspecified reasons. Those returning will then be exchanged for a much larger group that is to be divided between SCC and the Florence Correctional Center. IDOC has committed to paying $28.7M a year for either 11- or 1200 beds between the two facilities–depending on whether one’s asking IDOC or CoreCivic–with the option to extend the contract indefinitely.

CoreCivic, who previously did business as Corporate Corrections of America, is best known in Idaho for operating the Idaho Correctional Center (now ISCC) in such a way that drew scrutiny from the Associated Press, American Civil Liberties Union, FBI and Department of Justice (who declined to file charges) after claims of gross misconduct were reported in the facility fittingly dubbed by offenders as Gladiator School.

For that reason, offenders that find themselves transferred to SCC may take comfort in knowing that the Hawaiian Department of Public Safety has audited the facility twice a year since 2011, following the deaths of three Hawaiian offenders. Their oversight is significant as Arizona’s private prisons housing out-of-state populations are essentially unregulated, and IDOC’s Contract Monitors Tim Higgins and Monte Hansen took little interest in holding GEO to account prior to this reporter’s onslaught of complaints filed with the Texas Commission of Jail Standards.

Offenders matching any of the following criteria are eligible for transfer:

— Parole eligibility 2023 or after
— No escape charges
— Chronically and mentally ill
— Close Custody and STG
— SOs and violent crimes

Offender friends and families interested in receiving updates and networking their concerns are encouraged to join the Idaho Inmate Family Support Group on Facebook.

Facility and oversight information is as follows:

Saguaro Correctional Center
1250 East Arica Red.
Eloy, AZ 85131

SCC lies 60 miles southeast of Phoenix and currently holds 1200 offenders from Hawaii, 180 from Kansas and an unknown number from Nevada.

https://www.corecivic.com/facilities/saguaro-correctional-center

Florence Correctional Center
1100 Bowling Rd.
Florence, AZ 85132

https://www.corecivic.com/facilities/central-arizona-florence-correctional-complex

https://www.ice.gov/detention-facility/florence-correctional-center

State of Hawaii Department of Public Safety
919 Ala Moana Blvd., Fourth Floor
Honolulu, Hawaii 96814

CoreCivic
10 Burton Hills Blvd.
Nashville, TN 37215

IDOC
1299 N. Orchard St, Ste. 110
Boise, ID 83706

Arizona Department of Corrections
1601 W. Jefferson
Phoenix, AZ 85007

Sources: IIFSG, Idaho Statesman, Prison Privatization and Arizona Law–American Friends Service Committee Arizona Area Program, Violations of Texas Minimum Jail Standards
…

MORE CHANGES IN HOUSING

According to Jacob Scholl’s August 19th article in the Idaho Statesman, a 150-bed unit is soon to be added at ISCI. There are also plans to open a new community re-entry center for men in Twin Falls, along with talk of doing the same in Northern Idaho. And while another 150-bed expansion is being discussed for a St. Anthony work camp, talks continue for building a new 1200-bed facility in Idaho.

Meanwhile a few hundred people have been moved (primarily from ISCC) to the barracks at the Idaho Military Divisions Orchard Combat Training Center (OREX) 18 miles south of Boise, for reasons, IDOC says, to create safe zones and larger COVID units where symptomatic positives can cohort, thereby consolidating medical resources.
…

COVID NEWS

Over 1,200 positives have now been reported between staff and inmates, with the majority considered to be inactive.

Eagle Pass Correctional Facility, recently reporting positive cases, has not shown a proportionate increase in negatives, which suggests that tests are now only being conducted on inmates that present as symptomatic.

As Warden Waymon Barry failed to autopsy the remains of at least one IDOC offender who died at his facility following an inadequate medical response, we have reason to suspect that he’s in no rush to conduct COVID testing in the final days of IDOC’s contract with GEO.

That the majority of EPCF’s population is housed in 8-man cells and crowded open dorms raises concerns that asymptomatic positives may accompany those transferred to the Arizona contract facilities, and endanger offender populations from three other DOC’s, as well as facility staff. IDOC will face the same risk when 131 EPCF residents return home.

Back in Idaho, overwhelming staff shortages have affected daily operations, to include: Facilities placed on secure status early in the evening, limited rec and programming, extended discontinuation of visits and volunteer services, and delays with commissary.

Mass testing is being conducted throughout the entire population and temperature checks have been scheduled once a day (presumably for everyone). Medical PPE masks have been distributed throughout all facilities, replacing the cloth coverings initially provided to offenders, who are required to wear them at all times when out of their cell. Open-dorm policies are unknown at this time.

IDOC has resumed transports from county jails across the state. COVID-positives will soon be processed in a new Receiving Diagnostic Unit at ISCC to make monitoring easier for medical staff.

COVID information has been and continues to be provided to offenders through JPay in an attempt to keep them educated on how to identify symptoms and prevent further spread of the virus.

Deputy Director Bree Derrick reminds staff to take advantage of the Employee Assistance Program should they find themselves in need of additional support.

For real-time IDOC coronavirus updates: https://www.idoc.idaho.gov/content/careers/covid-19
…

ENVIRONMENTAL GROUP SUES IDOC

The Associated Press reports that the Snake River Waterkeeper has filed a federal lawsuit against the Department for allegedly violating the State’s wastewater permit more than 160 times in 2018 and 2019. The alleged violations are said to be a result of unspecified waste flowing from Cottonwood’s North Idaho Correctional Institution and reaching Lawyer Creek, the Clearwater River and the Snake River. Snake River Waterkeeper is asking that the court order the state to abide by its federal discharge permit and pay $55,800 per violation, for a total nearing $9M.
….

IDOC POLICIES ON JPAY

The Department has worked with JPay to provide over 150 DOC policies to offenders on their JPay media devices, a move applauded by this publication. That most offenders will now be able to bypass the wait times previously associated with the papered requests the Department once required to view policies will help eliminate much confusion between facility residents and staff.

As the system is new, we expect additional policies will be added over time. Like 503.02.01.001 (Telephones and Electronic Communications), 150.01.01.006 (Staff Misconduct) and 114.03.03.024 (Funds, Inmate.)
…

A LETTER FROM THE ACLU

[The following letter, sent to our Editor, has been paraphrased and formatted to fit the following presentation.]

Idaho’s public defender system has problems. In 2015, the ACLU and the law firm Hogan Lovells sued the State of Idaho because its public defender system does not ensure every person facing charges receives effective legal assistance, which, in effect, denies many people their rights. Their lawsuit requests the Court force Idaho to fix their broken system.

The problem is that Idaho’s public defenders do not have what they need, which makes it hard to spend enough time on every case to investigate, file motions, meet with clients and strategize the fight for each. The State created the Public Defense Commission in 2014, creating rules for how public defenders do their jobs, but this is not enough. The Sate must do more to fix the system.

The public defense lawsuit, a class action, applies to all facing charges with the potential for jail time or probation in Idaho state court while being unable to afford a lawyer. Those facing federal charges are not part of the class action. The State is not being asked to pay money to individuals.

Being part of the class action does not change one’s criminal lawyer. It may not affect the outcome of one’s case. Members of the class are not required to attend the lawsuit’s hearings. But they are required to attend hearings for their criminal case.

The lawsuit will not make criminal charges disappear, but it may change the way the public defense system works. If successful, the state will have to fix their public defense system. The judge will decide how that happens.

For those already sentenced, the case may offer no change. Those who have not been sentenced are encouraged to contact the ACLU if they are experiencing issues with the public defender system. They are asked not to discuss what they told their public defender or what their public defender told them. Those are confidential conversations and facts regarding the criminal case are unnecessary–please do not provide them.

If you contact the ACLU in regards to this lawsuit, be sure to write “CONFIDENTIAL- LEGAL MAIL” on both the letter and envelope before sending it to:

ACLU
PO Box 1897
Boise, ID 83701

Phone: 208.344.9759 ext. 1292
Fax: 208.344.7201
Email: admin@acluidaho.org

If you have already been sentenced and want to fight your conviction or sentence, you may want to contact:

Idaho State Appellate Public Defender
PO Box 2816
Boise, ID 83701

Telephone: 208.334.2712

For more information about this case:
https://www.acluidaho.org/en/cases/tucker-v-state-idaho
…

EDITOR LOSES GRACEFULLY

Grievance: IM 200000301
Date: 6/23/20
Location: IMSI
Category: Complaint Against Staff

The problem is:
Brett Phillips continues to obstruct the same claim that resulted in Grievance IM 190000484. Previously, he held onto the claim for two weeks after the paralegal informed he could serve it. Now he insists on providing misinformation on how the court requires it delivered. Attached are several documents from the Clerk of the Court insisting the information Brett’s providing is wrong (see link below).

I have tried to solve this problem informally by:
Extended communications with the Clerk of the Court, Justice Department, attorneys general of Idaho, concern form, and [publicly documenting] the entire process in the “Excessive Use of Tort Series” @bookofirving82431.com.

I suggest the following solution for the problem:
Knock off your shenanigans and provide me with an address that will yield [Warden] Keith Yordy’s signature on certified mail–the way the clerk of the court requires in the letters I’ve provided you–or give me your blessing to source the problem myself.

LEVEL 1- INITIAL RESPONSE by Brett Phillips
(7/7/20)

Please note that before any “shenanigans” were undertaken, you failed to follow the initial direction provided to you via the February 20, 2020 concern form response by Warden Yordy: a response to your inquiry specifically regarding service of process, wherein he directed you to serve your small claims action on the Deputy Attorneys General assigned to the IDOC, in compliance with IDAPA 06.01.01, 106 (Service of Process on Department Employees). Furthermore, in my memo to you dated June 22, 2020, I reiterated the requirement of you to follow the process set forth in IDAPA 106, even going so far as to providing you with specific information on how to arrange for your small claims action to be served, which was provided to you previously by the Court in the Instructions on “How to Serve Your Small Claims Papers.” As a reminder, “if someone who is not the defendant signs the certified mail receipt, you have to serve the defendant again–using personal service.” For personal service you have the choice of three options: Pay the Ada Co. Sheriff’s Office, pay a professional process server or ask someone 18 years or older–not YOU–to serve the paperwork on the Deputy Attorneys General for the agency.

Additionally, in accordance with the Idaho Rules of Civil Procedure, specifically, Rule 4(d)(4)(A), Service on the state and its agencies and governmental subdivisions: (A) State of Idaho–to serve the state of Idaho or any of its agencies, a party must deliver 2 copies of the summons and complaint to the Attorney General or any Assistant (Deputy) Attorney General (agent). Furthermore, Rule 4(d)(1)(C) Upon Whom Served [sic]: Delivering a copy of each to the agent (see) above authorized by appointment or by law to receive service of process. In other words–Rule 4 or IDAPA 106.

Your request for [Warden] Keith Yordy’s personal address is denied. So, once again, please serve your small claims complaint on the Deputy Attorneys General assigned to the Idaho Department of Correction using one of the three (3) options listed above.

LEVEL 2–REVIEWING AUTHORITY RESPONSE by Susan Wessels

Grievance Disposition: Denied
Date: 7/20/20

Your grievance has been reviewed and I find:
Deny [sic]

Please see the explanation of the process to serve a small claims complaint as explained by the Level 1 Responder, Mr. Brett Phillips. Mr. Phillips description of the procedure details of the State of Idaho and Rules [sic]. This explanation is accurate and succinct.

OFFENDER APPEAL
7/24/20

Forgive my hesitance to accept legal instructions from the same people who claimed to deliver my notice of torts but didn’t, who tried to convince me filing limits don’t exist, and who [previously] obstructed my grievance for staff misconduct. I appreciate you providing me with rules 4(d)(4)(A) and 4(d)(1)(C) only 10 months after my initial request for [all] the information I [would need] to present my case. For clarification, as the cheapest option to serve the Department a small claim has failed to be executed per the Clerk of the Court, the State now suggests I pay another fee–to the Sheriff, as a form of insurance–to see my claim properly delivered. Do I understand this correctly? In the future, is it possible to just pay a similar form of insurance directly to the Department or GEO Group to ensure that my property reaches me untampered? Would that make it easier for you?

LEVEL 3–APPELLATE AUTHORITY RESPONSE by Tyrell Davis
8/9/20

I have reviewed the grievance and find that I concur with the level one response from Mr. Phillips.
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LETTERS TO PEN PALS

8-19-20

Dear Pen Pal,

Out of sight, out of mind…isn’t that the truth. I don’t know if it’s more disheartening watching people show little interest in voting for reform until they’re personally affected from the outside, or watching people show no interest in laying the groundwork for reform from the inside.

I believe it’s the letter you’ll receive today where I make mention of a business that offered people a platform to help themselves, which wasn’t enough, because they wanted the work done for them as well. There are, of course, in any population, a number of capable and/or motivated people. But there always seem to be more waiting for their coattails, feeling entitled to ride them at any given time. And I think that a lot of people are let down when they see examples of people given opportunities that turn into examples of how people waste them.

On packaging reform–I agree, the question is, Where do WE start?

Education and programming: Civics, rehab and compassion. Those are where I’d focus the foundation. Building excitement for civic responsibility reduces the need for advocacy assistance for those already incarcerated, and carries over to the community once the investment is active outside.

Rehab needs an overhaul completely, from training participants (not offenders) to seek assistance, to establishing more outlets for support and crisis prevention. Crisis intervention helps, but why are we (participants, families, friends, supervisors) even waiting the crisis to happen?

Compassion: We all need a lesson in that, and good-time credits would be one place to start. Rewarding effort while acknowledging circumstances isn’t unreasonable at all. Revamping pre-sentence investigation techniques is also must, as right now they contain too much quack science and confirmation-bias appears to be the rule–they’d get more accurate reads using 2020 tarot cards.

Also, when packaging, we need to package as investment: 1) If hiring prison guards is good for the community, why wouldn’t hiring support networks and lifestyle professionals that prevent the need for prison guards be awesome? 2) Prison guards are hired to contain human potential. They may as well be hired to prevent resource development. For every prison guard hired, we buy a dozen trash cans, to hold the investments they’re guarding as it’s people thrown away. When there is talk of a building prisons as an investment, more discourse needs to be centered around that.

…Or so goes my thinking in my outside rec kennel.

I hope that you have the most beautiful day.
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FIRST EVER FAT! AWARDS

Another journalistic group of relentless professionals has emerged in the Treasure Valley, inspiring us to present our very first FAT! Journalistic Integrity Award for their reporting on August’s gruesome discovery at Leaf Bugs Cereal, where actual bugs and leaves found in the cereal led to a factory closure. That this story was so closely followed by their discovery of a shoe-eating garden-variety woodpecker suggests nothing short of raw talent.

Congratulations, champions! Keep up the good work.
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Friends of First Amend This!

We’d like to recognize a few people, households and organizations that have either offered their aid directly or expressed their interest in making a difference. So, it’s in no particular order that we say thank you to:

Catholics 1
Christians 1
Native Americans 2
Muslims 1
Atheists 2
LGBTQ 4
Idaho Senators R 1 D 1
Idaho Congresswomen R1 D 1
Marxists 1
Anarchists 1
Idaho Lt. Governors 1
Buddhists 1
Civil Liberty Protectors 3
Misc. Advocacy Groups 7
Books to Prisoners 7
Media Misfits 4
Professional Psychologists 1

And thank you, again, Loyal Reader, for continuing to tune in.

Amen.
….

MSG FROM IDOC – SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE

On September 1, 2020 the IDOC will enable phone call services to the Idaho Suicide Prevention Hotline. Your safety and well-being are important, so this service is being provided as an alternative resource if you find yourself in crisis. IDOC and Corizon staff are always available to assist you.

Number: 208-398-4357
Speed Dial: 852

Hours of Operation: Inmates have access to the inmate phone system when telephone services are available according to each facilities operational schedule.

Cost: Free
Duration: Max of 30 minutes per call

NOTICE: ALL PHONE CALLS ARE RECORDED AND MAY BE MONITORED. Calls to the Idaho Suicide Prevention Hotline are automatically reported to IDOC. If it is determined that follow-up is required, you will be contacted by staff to ensure your safety and wellbeing.

Prank or nuisance calls to the Idaho Suicide Prevention Hotline may result in sanctions and other disciplinary procedures.
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COMPLIMENTS TO STAFF

Thank you Deputy Director Bree Derrick and Chief of Staff Christine Starr for referring to your prison population as Facility Residents during your guest spots in the Director’s Note’s this last month. Not referring to them as Offenders or Inmates caught our attention.

Captain Hust, you’re suspected of doing a good job too. You better knock it off.
…

And that’s a word-up, everybody. Welcome to September.

“Hip Hop Hooray”
— Naughty By Nature

Next: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Oct. 2020

Dear Pen Pal,

Will you be voting early? By mail? Doing any legwork?

I’m glad to be where I’m at for the election. I could hardly stand the things said around me during the last one. I’ve grown more tolerant with political differences, and the lines that draw my preferences have become much more obscure. I simply wish that we rotated more parties, or maybe leader-swapped with Europe once in a while to make a different reality TV show.

I have a very loved friend that can talk about aliens running the government, liberal child-trafficking rings and the Apocalypse in the same breath that he proposes our current leader, appointed by God, is fixing everything wrong with this world — everything, of course, except all of that.

I love the idea of different flavors in office. And I wish we had a wider spectrum of women, too. I don’t understand why we can’t educate and take care of each other, and I wish the lines weren’t so murky when it comes to hate and speech.

I’m for people’s ability to be as weird as they want to, but also for respecting people’s need to not. I can’t imagine imposing my beliefs on anyone, but I think not everyone is capable of being socially conscious, and shouldn’t be penalized for living how they want.

And then there’s the part of me that sees an invasive organism ruining homeostasis, and would tell an algorithm to save the earth at all costs. So there’s a lot of conflict for me between being human and being responsible, and between letting some enjoy freedom or offering life for all.

In any case, the constant is change, and the laws of organization require chaos to evolve. I mention all this because you offered me a glimpse of how you’ll be voting–and I think that exercising your right to vote certainly rocks.

Also, I enjoy these little conversations…

Hope you’re having a wonderful day,
Patrick