Guess what, Angela?
Just now–I figured it out: You’re the Ghost of Christmas Future, aren’t you? Here to help me realize that I need to change my ways and let the Universe do its thing on its own–is that it? Huh? It no longer wants my stinkin’ help?
I see how it is.
Well, I’m not going out easy. You’re probably going to have to pin me down until backup arrives. And don’t expect me not to put up a struggle…with my rhythmic gyrations…for anywhere up to a good forty-nine minutes.
Also know that you’re not gonna talk me out of making a snack after, to refill your electrolytes. And while you can do what you want with my body, you’ll have to do it wondering what’s gift-wrapped in THIS box (spoiler alert: an eternal soul). Sure, you may be cuter and smarter and better at life than me–you may be a textbook example of mythological grace–but you’ll never strip me of my chaps or my sweet generosity, even if you are nice enough not to mention my cooking isn’t that of a Chef’s.
Dammit. I knew you were an angel, I just failed to realize you were Corporate until it was too late.
When did they give you the cape? After the Third or after the Fourth kid?
Second one?
Wow.
No, I totally get it.
Okay, then. Have it your way. Do your worst at aggressively pinning me down. Right next to that glass of ice water…right where that fan’s pointed…I’ll move the pillows whenever you’re ready…but don’t expect to take me alive!
WAIT!
A compromise: If the only way I can win this thing is to let you win this thing, then it looks like you’ve already won.
In. Your. Face. Angel-a. And way to make me look like a B-hole.
This isn’t over.
I’m moving those pillows…
Cold Consummate Quake–over and out!
PS: Not that you deserve it, but I tried coding you another Good Morning meme:
This one is Smash the half-breed ogre kneeling down in a rain puddle to change a rainbow’s tire on the interstate during rush hour and a car is passing by and smiling at the rainbow while flinging an I-told-you-so finger out the window and the rainbow obviously sees it and is shrugging his shoulders like “Yeah, I shoulda known” but what the caption tells us he should have known is that “Sunshine comes in all shapes and sizes”:
é=mc2
.(6¿?9).
Did it come through?