Updates

Excessive Use of Tort, No. 7

OFFENDER CONCERN FORM

6-21-20
To: Brett Phillips
From: Irving 82431

Previously, you intercepted a court claim being served to Warden Yordy, sat on it until he retired, and then returned it, unserved, with a message to deliver it to someone else. Now possessing communications from the Court stating Yordy must be served directly, despite IDAPA 06.01.01 #106, your actions have been realized as obstruction. I now require Yordy’s home address to serve him as needed, per the Court. As IDOC offenders are discouraged from researching staff, I request you provide me with his info, express permission for me to resource it myself, or acknowledge your complete refusal in allowing me to serve this claim. This is the 5th time IDOC has obstructed this claim and the 2nd attempt to have this Concern Form signed in accordance with 316.02.01.001.
…

IDAHO MAXIMUM SECURITY INSTITUTION MEMORANDUM

Date: June 22, 2020
To: Patrick Irving #82431
Unit: B-2 / 54

From: Brett Phillips
Management Assistant
Office of the Warden

RE: Response to your concern(s) received 6-22-20

In response to the two (2) separate concerns you addressed to my attention dated 6-20-20 [and] 6-21-20, I feel it necessary to provide you with a detailed explanation of your predicament. To help illustrate your inability to follow the basic “service of process” instructions and direction provided to you, I’m attaching two documents I hope will move your previously filed small claims matter into court.

On February 20, 2020, then Warden Yordy responded to your concern regarding “service” inquiry. In his response he clearly directed you to send your small claims filing to the Deputy Attorneys General who represent the IDOC and its employees. [His] response comports with the IDAPA Rule you referenced in your latest concern. For your convenience, I’ve attached a highlighted section 106 of IDAPA 06.01.01– Service of Process on Department Employees. As with Warden Yordy’s response to you, Rule 106 clearly directs anyone wishing to serve a complaint, summons or subpoena regarding any action related to the Department or its employee(s) “to be made upon the Deputy Attorneys General who represent the department in a manner and form required by state and federal procedure.” I’m guessing from the narrative you provide in the two concerns you sent, you failed to serve Warden Yordy in compliance with the state rules of procedure? You had/have several options available to you: Employ the services of the Ada County Sherrif’s Office — Civil Division, hire the services [of] a private process server, reach out to any person over the age of 18 — who is not a party to your claim to effect service on your behalf. Additionally, you could have paid a nominal fee to the Clerk of the Court to serve your complaint directly via certified mail. IDOC staff are NOT process servers, and you are prohibited by IDAPA 06.01.01 from directly serving any IDOC staff your filed complaint.

I suggest you review that attached information and reevaluate [your] service situation.

BP/bp
…

IDAHO DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTION
Grievance/Appeal form

Inmate: Irving 82431
Date: 6-22-20

The problem is: Brett Phillips continues to obstruct the same claim that resulted in a previous grievance, IM 190000484. Previously, he held onto the claim for two weeks after the paralegal informed he could serve it. Now he insists on providing misinformation on how the court requires it delivered: Attached are several documents from the Clerk of the Court insisting the information Brett’s providing is wrong.

I have tried to solve this problem informally by: Extended communications with the Clerk of the Court, Justice Department, Attorneys General of Idaho, concern form, and the public documentation of the entire process in “The Excessive Use of Tort Series” @ bookofirving82431.com

I suggest the following solution for the problem: Knock off your shenanigans and provide me with an address that will yield Keith Yordy’s signature on Certified Mail, the way the Clerk of the Court requires it, or give me your blessing to source the problem myself.
…

6-22-20

Dear Chief Page:

Brett Phillips now insists on hurling insults at me and my “inability to follow the basic ‘service of process’ instructions provided to [me]” (Memo 6-22-20), despite these communications from the Clerk of the Court I’ve attached stating the instructions he’s providing me are wrong.

As a Business major who held a 4.0 until boredom insisted I entertain with other things . . . what was I saying, again? Just kidding, I’ll remember this forever.

Regard,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707

How To Get Evicted From Prison, No. 8

Previous: How To Get Evicted From Prison, No. 7

More moves today. A lot of them, too. Half my dorm just up and left. Everyone summonsed had something in common: some offense or misdeed that rang the bell of report.

We aren’t alone in undergoing a cleanse. A large portion of our population is being shame-paraded through the hallways in one swift transfer to a place of safer keeping.

Today’s exodus — the result of yesterday’s housecleaning: up and down the walk that was deemed Little Idaho people pushed their call buttons to escape impending doom. Warden Barry, who’s still trying to land Idaho’s long-term inmate trafficking contract, must have noticed a pattern. He has since pulled the covers off every unwanted still attempting to blend.

…And the newly lettered Scarlets now abandon their artifice in a single-file line to a confinement more befitting…

I rid them good biddance with a coffee that’s creamered — courtesy of what few comforts of mine finally made it to the show: The little box of property that I crammed full in Idaho found it’s way to me in Texas after only a week. Unfortunately, my enjoyment will have to be rationed, as creamer’s not offered on commissary in Texas. (The reason, they say, is a matter of flammability. And it’s humbly as an arsonist that I’m inclined to call bullshit…except I’ve never been accredited, so who am I to make the point?)

It’s no surprise when another list appears in the hands of a corrector and myself and one other are told to pack it up. We’re to move to the sister-dorm that shares the view of our foyer, where a few cellies from my first unit have made themselves at home.

It’s a comfort to be familiar with a few from where I’m going. Though there will still be questions by twenty or so others, they’ll be less aggressively asked than if I wandered in unknown.

I’m unsure if the inherent risk of being labeled as “straggler undesirable” is considered by Chainsaw — the fellow moving with me. While his name evokes the imagery of an hombre stuck in anger-gear, he’s not known by this moniker to anyone else. To others, he’s simply just a pretty Mormon thespian. And as a pilferer of funds from payments in construction, he’s humanly posing no physical threat.

(IDOC agrees: Before Texas he was an inmate firefighter. Literally working a chainsaw in the mountains, he was tapped on the shoulder and told GEO wanted him for their Karnes County Tex-Mex prison. But not for firefighting, just for bed-filler. All six of his kids and their mother be damned…they’ll have to make due without his emotional support and find another income to source their school lunch.)

Because I don’t have Chainsaw’s sweet curly locks and six-pack distraction…or I-think-it-might’ve-moved good looks…I load both barrels with misfiring humor when I’m greeted at the door and asked about my charge. There’s simply no amount of danger that can muzzle me from this: “Oh — it’s cool, man. It’s only Consent With A Firearm in Texas.”

Braced for impact, and alone in my laugh, the cushion of a friendly voice keeps my bones intact: “This fuckin’ nutball’s alright. He’s just a firebug. He was down the hall with us when we first got here.”

It’s the friend I made while still in my tux. His hair suggests he’s in the early stages of finding our groove. Which he now verifies: “What’s up you fuckin’ weirdo! This dorm’s alright. Reminds me of Afghanistan. We can do whatever the fuck we want here! I’m gonna go play cards. Call me if you make food.”

My greeter nods, eyes still on me. “There’s a couple top bunks left. And that single bunk under the White TV isn’t taken. We clean on alternate days with the Mexicans. Quiet time’s at ten.”

I say thanks and choose the single that’s fully in the day room, next to the tables, close to the door, feet away from the hallway window.

Which means, by default, I’m responsible for announcing any authority approaching our sanctioned unknowns…

COMMENTARY

…Though, in this kind of place, they’d really rather not. Because paperwork sucks and so do angry captives. Plus, they’re really not prison guards anyway. More like friendly but reluctant last-minute babysitters with no interest in justice or correctional betterment. I now suspect the few that aren’t here just for money are likely infatuated with the kind of humiliation that only comes from withholding basic human decency — and simply lack the subjects or faculties to operate alone. In regards to the actual ratio of sadists/drug dealers/rejects to those respectably working our private prison surroundings — all I can say is: O’ blend do they easy.

Aside: While sadists enjoy the reinforcement that comes with any bust precursing human deprivation or unnecessary punishment, drug dealers (God bless ’em) and rejects prefer the opposite of attention: Their needs are better suited flying under any radar — thus they minimize contact with management while gaming us with keep. Exceptions: Management.

And, occasionally: The Sociopath. While we were all handpicked from Idaho for exceptionally good behavior, staff tell us they’ve been informed we’re the worst of the worst — handle us accordingly. Meaning, their hidden echelon of sadists, drug dealers and rejects are likely under the command of a professional sociopathic rank. Hospitable, competent, and hard working be damned…

END COMMENTARY

This dorm has been modified to accommodate a 50/50 demographic of White and Hispanic — in the style of any tarp-city refugee camp: blankets and laundry hang between bunks, providing cover and privacy for proclivities unknown. Card games and hobbies occupy tables while others bunk up with books or microwave soups.

…Artisans, jewelers, candy vendors and food, a silent disco with headphones in a bilingual schmooze…

This shantytown has the feel of “early-stage music festival.” And as I realize that strange man’s acid was anything but bunk, I excite at the thought that the journey’s begun.

“Hells Bells (Live)”
–Ac/Dc

Next: How To Get Evicted From Prison, No. 8

Excessive Use of Tort, No. 6

Letters back from the Clerk of the Court say I have to serve Warden Keith Yordy directly for the judge to acknowledge my claim of The Missing TV. But Idaho Code requires me to serve Yordy through the Attorney General if I want the same judge to rule on my case responsibly. That Yordy’s now retired and the Clerk’s letters show signs of a paranoid schizophrenic can only mean one thing… I’ve been chosen for a mission to correspond accordingly:
—

5-4-20

Dear Clerk of the Court:

I received a receipt for papers I submitted to be served via certified mail, dated 4-10-20, #37937-2020-ROI. I was never informed of their delivery. This is for CV-20-04423. I’m looking to see if they were in fact served and if the time to respond has passed.

Thanks,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707
—

Patrick , CV01-20-4423

The certified mail slip came back as Ray Martinez signed it. The Judge Does Not consider this Proper service due to Keith yordy is suppose to sign for it. you need to get Keith served a Different way. You can try certified mail again or Hire someone or Have someone over the age of 18 do it for you. The Case will stay open for a couple more months before sending out a Notice of Dismissal.

Thank you

Amanda
Civil Clerk
—

5-8-20

Dear Clerk of the Court:

I recently sent a request to provide service for CV-20-4423, which lists Keith Yordy as Defendant. I noted in my request that the service need [sic] to be directed to the deputy attorneys general assigned to the [Idaho Department of Correction] per Idaho Code 06.01.01.106. That request appears to have been ignored, and service was given at my prison facility’s address instead.

What do I need to do to ensure the Clerk can assist me with service? Do you have the necessary copies to try again and will the second attempt also come at my expense?

Please inform me how to proceed.

Regards,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707
—

Patrick , Re: CV01-20-4423

We only Do service on the Defendant and the address you Provided us. On your Claim you have Keith yordy as the Defendant and his address as 1300 S. Pleasant Valley Rd. Kuna ID. 83634. It looks like this is his work address. We did attempt this but a Ray Martinez signed for it and the Judge Does Not Accept this as Proper Service. If you would like to use a Different address Than you can fill out the form I provided you. It is Information for the service. you still need to use the Defendants name unless you want to Amend your claim and add a Different or another Defendant. yes you Have to pay another $7.00 for Certified Mail.

Thank-you Amanda
—

5-18-20

Dear Clerk of the Court:

Thank you for responding to my inquiry regarding service for my claim CV-20-4423. I’m afraid I don’t understand how a judge can refuse to accept the claim being served in the manner that Idaho Administrative Code IDAPA 06.01.01 #106 requires me to serve it:

“The Board authorizes and directs that all service of summons, complaints, and subpoenas against or upon the Board, the Department, or any employee of the Department for or related to a cause of action arising out of or related to the scope and course of the actions, duties, or employment of the Board, the Department, or any employee of the Department shall be made upon the deputy attorneys general assigned to the Department in the manner and form required by state and federal rules of procedure. (10-05-07)”

Is it possible that you could explain this conflict for me?

Also, I’ve been trying to serve notices to the Department for about eight months now, and between them not delivering my mail and little mix-ups like these, the Defendant has actually had time to retire from his position. Do you suppose that will make a difference when I can’t confront the Department but through the employee responsible for my claim?

Thank you,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707
—

5-22-2020

No case number provided. Please provide Ada County Case Number

Tim L.
—

5-28-20

Dear Clerk of the Court:

Isn’t CV-20-4423 a case number? It’s in the first sentence of my last letter, which I’m including. I’ve also included a letter from you where it’s written like this: CV01-20-4423. Does that help?

Please refer to my 5-18-20 letter, included, for the nature of my concern.

Thank you,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707
—

CV01-20-4423 6/3/20

Patrick ,

Sorry your letter Dated the 18th Did Have your case number on it. Unfortunately as far as service goes on Small Claims, the Person your suing has to be served and for Certified Mail Has to be the one to sign for it. If you have a different address you want it mailed to, we can try that. you can also try having someone you know over the age of 18 do service for you.

Thank-you

Amanda
civil clerk
—

Office of the Attorney General
ATTN: Mark Kubinski, Emily MacMaster, Karin Magneli, Oscar Klaas
700 W. Jefferson Street, Ste 210
PO Box 83720
Boise, ID 83720-0010

6-8-20

Dear IDOC Legal Staff:

I’ve encountered a multitude of problems in attempting to serve the Department with a small claim that occurred in April ’19. (Here, I would refer you to your copy of the Notice of Tort and its supporting materials, had the Department seen it delivered to both you and the Secretary of State the two times they were placed in Legal Mail. For reasons you’ll understand, I’ve decided to hold on to those notices and their postmarked envelopes — with your respective addresses on them — without breaking their original seal. That said, you should still have the copy I served the Department’s main office after I was given wrong instructions by facility staff.) But my problem today is that the Clerk of the Court insists that I serve the Defendant directly, despite IDAPA 06.01.01 #106 stating service “shall be made upon the deputy attorneys general assigned to the Department.”

The Defendant of case CV01-20-4423 is the now-retired Warden Keith Yordy, and my facility’s paralegal actually did attempt to serve him directly. However the Department commandeered the claim and then held onto it until Yordy retired. Then they sent it back to me with the directive to send it to you. And, again: the Clerk of the Court insists I should not.

I’ve taken the liberty of documenting this long and frustrating process and presenting it publicly as the “Excessive Use of Tort” series at bookofirving82431.com, where you’ll also find further illustrations of an inmate’s inability to access the courts while under the care of IDOC in “Exhausted Grievances in Summary (for legal and investigative purpose)“.

I provide this information as a courtesy and ask that you reciprocate with input on why it may be I’m having such trouble serving my claim.

Thank you,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707
—

IDAHO DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTION
INMATE CONCERN FORM

6-8-20

To: Chief Page
From: Irving 82431

The Clerk of the Court insists I serve Keith Yordy directly if I want to have my claim recognized by a judge. In attempting to do so previously, the Department held onto my claim long enough for Yordy to retire, and then sent it back weeks later unserved — after I was assured by facility staff they’d get the job done. I have informed the Clerk of the Court of IDAPA 06.01.01.106 requiring me to serve the Department through the attorneys general — they say not for small claims [semicolon] I have to serve Yordy directly. Seeing as how my attempt to do so while he worked at my facility was obstructed, I now have to ask you for his home address per recommendation of the Clerk of the Court. Ridiculous, I know. But true.
—

6-8-20

Clerk of the Court:

I have received your letter dated 6/3/20, and understand that despite Idaho Code IDAPA 06.01.01 #106, you’re requiring me to serve claim CV01-20-4423’s Defendant Keith Yordy personally, and not through the attorneys general.

Please note that in order to do so, I may be soliciting assistance from nefarious associates who, quite likely, are already on various government watch lists. And using monitored communications to request research on state Defendants may be flagged as a threat by my captors. So should I be savagely beaten by the hands of prison staff, know it’s only because researching their peers is a threat their corrective fists yearn to contain.

How about just asking the Department nicely for their employee’s address, you say. I am, but considering how they’ve already obstructed this claim for over a year, those filthy pagans are unlikely to just hand it over. Which means we’ll have to file a civil suit for their foreseeable obstruction. That will require two months for the grievance process, and a few more for notice of tort, before I alone can begin our new claim.

I may need enough of an extension to recoup from their punishments, whether long or short route. Will that be okay?

Regards,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707
…

Esoterica: Entry 15 (Vote-For-Me Jesus)

“Weeeeellll, now…I come to you today–oh, yes I do!–with a record that speaks for itself…”

“Uh-huh!” “Loud and clear, it does!” “Oh, yes it does!”

“…You heard ’em for yo’self, now, Jesus–they all said it…”

“Yes we did!” “Oh Lord, we did!” “I’ll say it again now, too!”

“…That’s a whole lotta people, now, Jesus–not just me…”

“You tell that boy, Virgil!” “And you tell that Jesus good!” “Hallelujah, let the Lord know what’ch’you done!”

“…I cleared the path for you, Jesus. Ooooh, yes I did…I beat that path free with sticks!..”

“Amen!” “He beat the shit out that path, Jesus!” Lordy, he gassed ’em good, too!”

“…You know I did…God DAMN, you know I did!…All in your name, Jesus…”

“He ain’t done it in the name of any other!” “Amen!” “Suck-egg-hound, Jesus!”

“…Noooow, Jesus…I’m fixin’ on leadin’ millions of people in your name, now…and it’s in no humble way that I take aim for you billions…”

“He gonna get ’em, too!” “Gonna round up every last one’a dem heathens, Jesus!” “Ain’t no doubt in my mind!”

“…And I’m gonna make ’em follow yo’ ways, Jesus…follow ’em all, just like me…”

“He’ll ain’t foolin’, Jesus!” “That boy’s serious!” “He gonna put the touch-a-healin’ on them the same way he did us!”

“…And every one’a’dem sheep gonna get their own stick…and in the favor of the Lord–summa that teargas, too…”

“Ain’t no favorites in the eyes of the Lord, now!” “Lord, no!” “We gonna beat ’em all equally, Jesus!”

“…Sooo, Lord…I come to you now…”

“Say it, Reverend!” “We here right now with you!” “I ain’t never had nowhere else to go, myself!”

“…And I ask you, my Lord and my Savior: I ain’t never put my faith in no one but YOU…so now, what’ch’you gonna do for me?…”

“Give ’em the bill now, Virgil!” Hell, yeah–add it all up!” “Grace of the Lordy, even the score!”

“I ain’t never done asked you fo’ much, now, Jesus…but today, as my flock is my witness, I’m gonna ask you, Lord…my whole life I voted for you…and today I need you to vote for me…”

“Hell, yeah!” “What’s it gonna be, Jesus!” “Is Yo’ Holiness with us or against us?”

“Hold on now…the Lord’s comin’ to me direct…zimbawabawaba-wee-wewe…uh-huh…chookachockacocka-pee-pee…yup, I agree with you there…mokamokamoka-ding-dong…well, I appreciate that, Jesus…pleasure doin’ business with ya…”

“Well, Reverend?” “What’d he say, Virgil?” “Yeah, Virgil–what’s the verdict?”

“…He said it’s our November, Boys. Let’s take it to the bus!”

“Licentious Intentions: A Shipwreck (the dirty mick) Series, No. 6

Forget everything that I’ve formally learned. For a few bucks today I can start a new business.

…Considering how I turned forty in my prime into thirty grand a month…with proper training since, courtesy of government defectors and the local University…when factored in with having already infiltrated the secret world of Search, which, as luck would have it right now, is turned upsidedown…plus recent articles describing how ten-dollar micro-investments in the Third World bank small businesses that bask in the love…now carry the one…and here I am: perfectly civilized, with plenty of love to give…

Hell…it would be entirely more criminal not to.

If each investment I’m vetting’s only ten bones a buy-in, I can cross-chip the board to account for all my luck. Just one batch of therapeutics converted into scratch should minimize the risk of my diversified ambition. Then, with a new-improved recipe for taxable income, I’ll merge my elicits with aggression and walk away from this run.

…And if along the way I’m delt a hand from the card deck of Bezos, maybe I’ll slowplay a few rounds of check-raise the world…

Worst case scenario: I have other options to falsify income. But I’d rather avoid spending money on an inventory that I don’t ever plan on selling. Which leaves either convincing the IRS that in my thirties I’m still up-and-coming as a rapper, or pretending that I’ve fully transitioned into motivational speaking. While both professions are plentiful with write-offs that parallel my lifestyle, “business professional” remains the safe bet.

Sparking up a cloud, I key in a few strokes, and summons my innate ability to exploit a time of crisis.
…

…As Internet real estate calls me to cultivate, I mull over possible addresses for porous foundations…

Commonly reffered to as a URL or domain are the string of values entered to reach sites like prettykittymitties.com or bigbootybumps.net. Flatearthilluminati.info — that’s another one, and it probably makes coin. Even undeveloped, as prospects, they’re commonly assessed. Though one’s unlikely to know by which criteria they’re observed.

For instance, maybe a brand or a slogan is preparing to launch and you’re on the runway it needs to maximize its landing. Or maybe you bought a cutesy domain to mark your anniversary — not knowing the date’s significance in Mandarin numerology. In either case, when contacted by a domain broker on behalf of a corporate conglomerate or a casino in Macau, you’re unlikely to know for which client they’re calling. And even less likely — their budget for the call.

But say, through a unique form of insight, you’ve procured a domain knowing of its eventual need. Perhaps you’ve been reading business journals or registries and watching trademark submissions and copyright claims… Whatever be the case — as the need is realized, so is your leverage. And leverage, my friend, that’s money in the bank.

This practice, by the way, is referred to as “parking,” and it’s often obnoxious…my preferred line of work.

Note: when picking domains, it’s suggested one stick with the original extensions, though others have been introduced over time to accommodate the Internet’s rapid expansion. So dot com is the best, .net is good, .org is okay, .biz sucks, and .info gets traffic but doesn’t move merch — this according to stats and chatter in forums. Others are out there — some region specic — but they too are valued like a residential zip: The difference in resale can range between one and three figures…and with the right words before them, people go berserk.

The right words, or “keywords,” are where the big-money lies. They funnel spenders to businesses online that might otherwise blend in with the crowd. This saves a lot of money in marketing and helps maintain a brand. (Of course, one also has to manage their site properly — like any other property in Real Estate Land.)

So if a business selling car parts in Chicago isn’t as visible as its competitors — by strategically developing its lot on “chicagoauto.com,” they score points with the doorman that we recognize as Search.

Also, any company whose business is done substantially online has a vested interest in keeping their clients from being diverted. Diversions can range from common misspellings to creative counterfeits, warring with mischief.

Now here’s my plan: With keywords and wordplay I’ll conceive a few brands that market themselves as “loathingly clever.” Then, using the tools I’ve liberated from work, assess their URL values for Search before registering them at entry-level cost. From there I can park them with a broker and use their landing for ads. Which hedges my investment, in case they never sell. Or, I can affiliate with any number of sales programs that will platform their products using my domains. With none of their bullshit ever touching my hands, it’s called drop shipping, and it’s clever distribution. A lot of services even keep the books for you and Direct Depost their checks in your increment of choice.

Enjoying the simplicity of a no-inventory business is an alley that appeals to my caliber and breed. Plus the few options I’ve mentioned are just low-hanging fruit. Should I begin to understand the slightest bit of programming, I’m sure to unlock a couple avenues and level-up in worth.

Like my new old boss, from a few weeks ago, who showed me how a keyword domain and RSS feed at one time drew enough traffic for a monthly three grand. All he displayed was Today’s Price For Gold. A real low-effort operation, routinely good for cash.

Assuming that douchebag can do it, I’m prime to make a move. Because guys like me…well…we’re built to sex algorithms…

“Come and Get Your Love”
— Redbone

First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Jun. 2020

Previous:First Amend This! An IDOC Newsletter, May 2020

Welcome to the June issue of First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter that addresses Idaho Corrections concerns.

Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com.

This publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of Correction’s community. If you wish to assist this effort, share the link, cut and paste, or print and send a copy to another
…

Our Mission: To better develop our current state of Corrections.

The Idaho Legislature shares our mission and welcomes your comments! Feel free to send them your thoughts, attached to a copy of this publication.
…

EDITOR SEEKS DEAD HORSE

If you come across one that needs a good beating, I’ll be more than happy to give it the shtick.
…

GOVERNOR LITTLE FINGERS INMATE’S VAGINA FOR SUPREME COURT VOYEURS

Idaho’s Governor Brad Little regards inmate’s request to be medically treated for gender dysphoria as having one too many holes for the state.

Currently unfolded, in a very hairy situation, IDOC’s failed attempt to postpone the court-ordered medical procedures initially recommended by doctors who know best.

As Governor Little struggles to powerbottom a precedent, he’s assumed the positioned to sustain quite a pounding: The State’s recent arguments to halt all procedures of the surgical sort — prior to the Supreme Court deciding whether they can pull back the curtains of confusion and find a slot for the case — were strategically resisted in a struggle to exhaust state appeals.

After being wrestled into submission on the floor of state courts, Governor Little requested a rematch be viewed in front of a federal audience, where he suspects the gears of justice will be lubed in his flavor, to assist the pull-out of Edmo’s infamous wiener transition, in what so far has been an exhibition spectacular and, according to inmates, like too many others.

Our legal analyst suspects the Governor’s insistence of holding on to the wiener in question is verging the realm of romantic. Whether or not he’ll release it from clench upon Supreme Court ruling has been the subject of rumors and concerns in circulation.

Offenders polled express general favor towards the incurring of any substantial correctional expense — especially, when done by an inmate represented in the courts. However, in general consensus, the same offender poles can’t imagine getting behind this vagina in particular.
…

IDOC/KEEFE/JPAY EXTORTION RACKET TARGETS IDAHO INMATES. GOOD WHOLESOME CHRISTIANS PAY THE PRICE.

Five dollars nowadays is what is a single serving of Dolly Madison zingers costs families supporting their loved ones held under the jurisdiction of the Idaho Department of Correction. The zingers recently replaced the Dolly Madison cupcakes that were selling for two dollars — which were offered themselves as a substitute for a superior brand in 2017, at the same time being doubled in price.

The zingers were recently introduced following the visitor ban implemented at all IDOC facilities — where the same serving size of zingers costs a fraction of that price when purchased through the vending machines in Visiting.

This comes only months after IDOC vendor JPAY sparked public outrage by charging inmates for public domain literary works made available by Project Gutenberg. (Project Gutenberg states with every eBook they make available that they’re “for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever.”)

After their public shaming, JPay sent IDOC offenders an email stating that their heart bleeds for us, and such is our luck, they will no longer charge for what never belonged to them in the first place.

However, their bleeding heart apparently found a plug, because in a more recent message, JPay notified IDOC offenders that their correspondees will no longer benefit from the stamp prices given to offender families in Washington. That the price of a JPAY stamp in Washington is roughly 1/5 of Idaho’s price raises questions regarding IDOC’s Contract Management negotiation abilities, along with their persistent attempts to empty the coffers of inmate families.

Fortunately for IDOC inmates at GEO Group’s Eagle Pass Correctional Facility in Texas, many of the same Keefe commissary items purchased in Idaho can be ordered there for one-half to two-thirds the price. Which is curious because IDOC has historically blamed scheduled price increases on Keefe, making it more likely than not that someone needs thrown under the bus.

[This reporter relied upon the zingers image provided by Keefe to assess the actual serving size. He would have bought a package to further confirm did it not have a price of FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS!]
…

PAT DONALDSON ADIOSED

IDOC’s Chief of Contract Management Pat Donaldson has left his position with the Department of Correction. Which may or may not be a good thing, considering how appeals made on behalf of all EPCF inmates in Texas — requesting IDOC hold their Contract Facility to the provisions outlined in IDOC Agreement Number A18-002 — were dutifully ignored under the supervision of Pat.

According to inmates, after several months of grievances failed to receive adequate consideration from Idaho, they were then presented to the Texas Commission on Jail Standards in a compilation titled “Violations of Texas Minimum Jail Standards” in June 2019.

Though the same presentation was also sent to IDOC Director Josh Tewalt, an August memo we’ve obtained has Jack Fraser confirming the Department will continue not hold GEO Group to contract standards, by stating that an offender is not entitled to IDOC’s disciplinary procedures in Texas. The statement is a clear contradiction of section 5.5 in the public contract and the practice further violates TCJS standards.

Unfortunately, concerns over Pat’s interest in managing contracts may now meet their fate at the Division of Public Works in the Department of Administration, seeing how Idaho has rewarded his broom and rug work in Corrections by asking him to head the state’s Public Works division.

When asked who would replace Pat in his position, FAT! was told “The [D]epartment will post the job announcement and go through the hiring process to find an applicant.”
…

KNOWN SURVIVORS AT EAGLE PASS CORRECTIONAL FACILITY

Following a member of EPCF staff testing positive for COVID-19, up to three units at IDOC’s contract facility were placed in quarantine. That there are still inmates alive to quarantine can only be considered “a very good sign,” says an inmate familiar the GEO Group facility’s deficiencies and “level of concern or lack thereof” from IDOC contract monitors and oversight agencies in Texas.

The facility sits roughly a mile from the Rio Grande in Mexico and was covered extensively by this reporter after he successfully embedded himself in the inmate population from 2018-19.

See: The Battle for Dish Soap at Eagle Pass, Violations of Texas Minimum Jail Standards, Book of Irving 82431 (Sections 1-4)
…

WEATHER WATCH

We’ll be classifying the breeze as a skosh of oppressive, as it continues to assist the poop ponds with some unusual waft.

And as we come into June, some days in the nineties. But where we need at least a week in a row before we get ice, expect for the meantime to be treated like the sewage — or so goes the IDOC motto: In the most inefficient way!

Also, the birds have been perching above the rec cages again. So, in the event that it rains while you’re seeking fresh air, you can expect a little mix of waft and drizzled shit.

This forecast has been brought to you by the Book of Irving Project — now providing a sneak peek of a little something in the works…
…

SNEAK PEEK

Letters back from the Clerk of the Court say I have to serve Warden Keith Yordy directly for the judge to acknowledge my claim of The Missing TV. But Idaho Code requires me to serve Yordy through the Attorney General if I want the same judge to rule on my case responsibly. That Yordy’s now retired and the Clerk’s letters show signs of a paranoid schizophrenic can only mean one thing… I’ve been chosen for a mission to correspond accordingly.

Irving 82431 is “Surfing the Channels of Oversight.” Coming soon to a tier near you.
…

IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING CARES STIMULUS CHECKS — MSG FROM IDOC

Please be aware that it is unlawful for incarcerated individuals convicted of a criminal offense to accept the CARES stimulus checks currently being issued by the United States government. The following is language from the Frequently Asked Questions page of the Internal Revenue Service (IRS):

Q12. Does someone who is incarcerated qualify for the Payment? (Added May 6, 2020)

A12. No. A payment made to someone who is incarcerated should be returned to the IRS by following the instructions about repayments. A person is incarcerated if he or she is described in one or more of clauses (i) through (v) of Section 202(x)(1)(A) of the Social Security Act(42 U.S.C. § 402(x)(1)(A)(i) through (v)). For a payment made with respect to a joint return where only one spouse is incarcerated, you only need to return the portion of the payment made on account of the incarcerated spouse. This amount will be $1,200 unless adjusted gross income exceeded $150,000.

All stimulus checks addressed to incarcerated individuals received at an IDOC facility via mail will be returned to the IRS pursuant to their instructions. If you receive a stimulus check that was directly deposited into your account, you need to contact the IRS to return the payment in order to avoid criminal charges.
…

NEW MAIL REGULATIONS — MSG FROM IDOC

Due to the heightened security of the United State Postal Service, the USPS will no longer accept embossed commissary envelopes that weigh more than 1oz, are thicker then 1/2 inch, or are uneven (not flat). This means no small hobby craft items or jewelry in a regular #10 envelope at the current rate of 50 cents can be used. They will need to be sent out as a package and will require a withdrawal slip attached.

If you have questions, please send a concern form for your facility mail staff.
…

Well, folks, that’s about it for the month. Try to stay well and send us your love!

“24K Magic”
— Bruno Mars

Next:First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, July 2020

Kevin Boinkston and the Chronicles Of (No. 2)

“Destiny Plus One”

After the meet at the park I came straight to my office, where I laid out the cards to see how they’d play. Each time they were dealt they came up the same: Streaks and runners on britches outgrown, belonging to Dolores — the maid with the spades.

It appears that my landlady has her hands on a racket: shuffling birdies around a big-boy net, hitting doubles and triples way outside the average. Playing volley with a house that’s known to always win. Sticky fingers in Pudendum…that’s dangerous game.

How long has she been operating under my nose? And what does the fact that she’s doing so say about me?

‘Reality check, Kevin — you’re more dangerous than you think. Consider it a possibility you’re sleep-training again.’ It’s too improbable her skill set would evolve on its own.

The truth hurts: I’ve fully transitioned into an autonomous weapon. Cut deep in the rough with Occam’s rusty razor, my hands are like curses that save people’s days.

Kaepernicking the flag that shares a wall in my office with a poster of Elvis and the back of his jacket, I tribute the brothers, teeth in a grit, and sing a little song we’ve all shared before: “I can’t escape the fact that ladies love danger, but what kind of man would I be to put one in harm’s way? Is never knowing love the price of my skills? And what kind of payment options does a layaway take?”

I’m answered by a picture on my desk, taped to a binder. Trapper-keeping my heart, the root of my strength:

More than just another flame to dwindle or a pretty bird to catch, she was a fire-breathing dragon, and I was her prey. I’m talking about the kind of girl that would beg for your other walkie-talkie, and then keep you up late, ear to the speaker, waiting for her to code another fart with directions for the long lonely walk down an aisle of broken glass. As sore on the eyes as a ruler on hips: Like a dish made for chafing — both effs on the table.

I paid a pound of laughter every time she gave a pinch. “Wake me if I’m dreaming,” she always would say.

The poems I wrote about peacocks, she loved to no end. And rich as they were alone by themselves, when sugared a little with interpretive dance, they effectively turned her girlfriends all jelly. Unfortunately, theirs was the kind that spread salty and bitter. As she fell in lust, they drowned in their pain. For too many days we suffered in their longing. And out of their insatiable hunger grew heartbreak a name — K-Boi the Love Stroke: Destiny Plus One.

Sweet with the moves like a licorice twist, I met every challenge of theirs with a karate-hands routine. Only in submission did they permit us a rainbow. I’ll never trust anyone else with my Cabbage Patch Kids…

Plenty of lessons were learned from the time of back then. Like how if you only dance alone you’ll keep your heart out of the rubble. Knowing now that nothing’s as fragile as a person’s human boundaries, I refuse to trust any technique that I haven’t honed myself. And damned be the days that I have to opt for backup. Because when backup missteps, yours truly pays the price.

Now, with the Dolores situation, of course it all makes sense: Her trips into Chinatown for high-stakes Pokémon. Her babysitting tournaments, juice-loose with Pogs. Her fascination with crypto, current on the exchange. I can bet with one or two guesses when she’ll grease the wrong wheels: Sometime in the future — either sooner or later.

Less a matter of when, more a matter of who: Because when a secret like hers gets flagged by The Service, there’s not enough hips in the world to break an old lady’s fall. Even if the cats in her nip don’t scratch or meow, some pussy with the feds will eat a turd out her box.

This being a problem I’m unlikely to solve in one sitting, I better take advantage of the early morning wees, so that I’m not in a rush to lay down with the sun. Slowly rolling into a lull, eyelids as heavy as a windowless van, I groom a pep persuasive enough to let the slumber to happen: ‘Everything bouncing on my knees will be registered later. There’s not a zone safe enough to distance Kevin Boinkston from a lead.’
…

At 7:59 a.m. my knife-hand wakes up before me. Numbers flipping on my desk try to signal an alarm. A tuck-and-roll off my sleep pad… in the silence I’m Adonis. Victim One for breakfast, it’s time to start the day.

Most practitioners wouldn’t kick-flip into jumping jacks from a dead-eyed sleep. You can guess what it says that I throw in a burpee.

Thirty-second bursts have been known to change the world: That’s the motto the city pays me to ingrain.

Where trouble runs deep, I’ve matched it with a cover. And the next four hours are crucial to my keeping it alive. If I don’t go about my day the same way as every other, the other cases I’m working might spook themselves away. I’ll have to trust that Shukahkahka finds himself in good hands. And that Dolores won’t do anything too rash to intercede.

Drenched in my own sweat, I call it a workout, leaving twenty-nine minutes until the widow-maker rings. I hope for the sake of those today sharing my proximity that, for the time-being, my aggression’s been drained.

Under the spray of a nozzle in a handicap shower, I sit on the bench and take a moment to think. Not because I can’t while I’m standing, but because this old watch tower’s nipples enjoy a little spray.

I think about how these civilians need to improve their amenities.

I think about if I had inherited a fortune and couldn’t use a phone.

I think about how different life would be if my work permitted friends.

And I question what good is a family that never earns your trust.

Body now as dry as my thoughts, I lace up my boots, wondering which unlucky recruit I’ll break first — right off the bus.

Excessive Use of Tort, No. 5

Chief of Prisons Chad Page
Idaho Department of Correction
1299 N. Orchard St., Ste 110
Boise, ID 83706

5-12-20

Chief Chad Page:

Thirteen months it’s been. Seven since the Department received notice directly.

The first packet presented, though improperly served, contained plenty of proof that this inmate’s personal property was pilfered as punishment under the premise that pronouncing IDOC’s private penal investment in Texas — and all its profitable particulars — apropos to Bobos and prone as other clowns, in one production, prolific, and of prize in presentation, warranted Patrick’s persecution prior to his procuring a Pulitzer.

(Lesson learned: Proposing proper prison sanitation in a pre-pandemic world requires proactive prostration and precipitous pageantry to paralyze others protesting they’re prey. (Though, in another realm, should competence be present, prescribing any portion of appropriate preponderance would likely prevent the promotion of such promiscuous propulsion towards those primitive to prithees that primarily perplex. However, be this the world that gifts me to you, for us it’s another just-one-of-our-days.))

This month’s update is as follows: Recently, through mishap of the Clerk, small claims service regarding the aforementioned issue was delivered to the Idaho Maximum Security Institution, instead of the deputy attorney general assigned to the Department. As Lady Justice requires the long road be driven prior to parking short buses at the foot of her throne, this should only be equated as a pitstop for gas.

I’m also happy to note that while this obstruction is the first I’ve experienced since February 2018 that doesn’t reek like the callous festerings of tactical despair, that service again failed to be provided only helps to resurface the frustration that by now should long have been drowned.

I know you’ve got other problems to worry about, Chief. That’s all fine by me. I’m not upset at you personally — no more than I’m willing to bear the stress of this alone.

That being the case, I’m obliged to inform you that the link “Exhausted Grievances in Summary (for legal and investigative purpose)” @ bookofirving82431.com was somehow also lost, but, fortunate for us, managed to be found by the media, Department of Justice, and various lawyers involved in suits against the Department — thus escaping the same fate as my TV.

And here be it recognized that you’ve so far kept coronavirus out of your Idaho prisons. So despite what happens to our inmates in Texas, and knowing I continue to share my story “The Battle for Dish Soap at Eagle Pass” with anyone in reach of the USPS, you may consider this offer as true as my word: Once my typewriter arrives — as a substitute for my still-missing TV, and with a challenge from those who indeed know me best — I’ll be happy to further substantiate my recommendations for the Department, along with a tally of the expenses we’ve crowned.

This concludes the homework assignment I was forced to concoct myself (due to this facility’s inability to utilize my productivity). If you’d care to assist my program of betterment by offering a percentage of 100 that checks the boxes a creative writing/civics crossover might consider as criteria, your score will be averaged with the Governor’s at midterm.

Please don’t get excited, you still aren’t invited to my parent-teacher conferences.

Overachieving in Ad-Seg,
Patrick Irving 82431
IMSI
PO Box 51
Boise, ID 83707

Idahokey

Click.

Pyew.

Pyew.

Pyew. Pyew.

“Well — it’s looking like another beautiful Wednesday evening. Sixty-seven degrees here in Boise. We’ve got a frost warning overnight, which means I’ll have to pull out the cover for my newly-planted petunias. By the way, Natalie, if you listen closely, you can practically hear them singing the national anthem.”

Pyew. Pyew.

Pyew. Pyew.

“That doesn’t surprise me at all, Roland. And for the people at home who’ve noticed, it looks like you’ve got a little action in the background. What’s going on over there? Are you barbecuing for the neighbors again?”

“Oh, no. That’s Arkon. The Krivzkans tracked him down using his vessel’s omeranium signature and are attempting to take him back into custody. Say, now that you mentioned it…look at what the omeranium’s doing for my perennials.”

“It looks like you’re a go for another ribbon, Roland.”

Click.

“…. while we bring you Lori Vallow and her husband Chad Daybell’s bond reduction hearing, following the disappearance of her dark-spirited children. Her lawyer is prepared to make the point that her husband, Chad, is having a hard time managing the Second Coming without his Imperial Lieutenant of Eternal Damnation…”

Click.

“…say that while they’ll certainly miss the fans, they’re just happy to be playing again. Unfortunately, due to the 23-hour lockdown, the players are all a little atrophied. But this hasn’t stopped them from donating the use of their hamster wheel to those on PPE duty. Money saved from the electricity generated will go to management’s Employing Lethal Use of Force Fund. However, without their normal exercise regiment, we can expect this season’s starters will be adding a few strokes to their game. Back to you, Don.”

“Glad to hear it. And on that note: KIVI has confirmed that Governor Little will appeal to the federal government for an upgrade in equipment. As you already know, President Trump has vowed to personally purchase a factory to produce toothbrushes capable of powering through the neck in one swing. Also, if you’re among those sick of watching reruns, you can take comfort knowing that IDOC has contracted with ICE to open the minor’s season early. You heard it here first: Six On Your Side.”

Click.

“…reunited with his late wife’s locket after reporting it missing — forty years ago. The locket was found Saturday in an old abandoned trunk during a storage unit auction. Canyon County investigators have yet to identify the remains of the perpetrator discovered to be wearing it…”

Click.

“…as six-year-old Beverly Wilkins tells The 208, that’s when she realized that bleach suppositories would see an uptick in demand…”

Click.

“…where Ammon Bundy and his armed supporters have marched to the Capitol steps, in protest of the virus’s inability to discriminate…”

Click.

“…churches will be allowed to reopen, but only for those who have previously demonstrated their congregation’s ability to pray the gay away…”

Click.

“…Lt. Governor McGeachin, seen here posing in pictures with businesses ignoring the governor’s quarantine orders…”

Click.

“…and as your governor, I can say that I trust the people of Idaho to do the right thing.”

Click.