Patrick Irving

How To Get Evicted From Prison, No. 11

“May the palette to paint a picture of antiquated modern fixtures arresting the development of those who need it most find me and assign me the building up and redefining of all the things that one is capable against the will of their host.” — #0000082431 My early morning shower is the highlight of my … Continue reading “How To Get Evicted From Prison, No. 11”

First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Feb. 2021

Previous: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Jan 2021 WELCOME to the February issue of First Amend This! Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com. This publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of Correction community. If you wish to assist this effort, share the link, … Continue reading “First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Feb. 2021”

The Profile WriteAPrisoner.com Doesn’t Want You To See!!!

It’s hard not to have fun with this space–be creative and spontaneous, self-deprecating and clever. “You’re too much, guy,” says the soulless wonder behind the desk that always gives me the DENIED. “The world is different now! We’re in a GD’n pandemic. We understand that you’re a wonderful lover, but this isn’t the forum for … Continue reading “The Profile WriteAPrisoner.com Doesn’t Want You To See!!!”

Pen Pal Not-So-Funnies, No. 1

1-26-21 Dear Pen Pals, I suspect I owe you an apology. Sometimes, the people and materials I’m exposed to rub off on me inappropriately, and inspire me to offend the few still kind enough to talk to me by assaulting their audience with inappropriate letters. I believe it was November that I was overindulging in … Continue reading “Pen Pal Not-So-Funnies, No. 1”

The Good of Intentions: A F*ckin’ Bad-Ass Children’s Story

Patrick had all the intentions in the world. And it had only taken him 41 years to collect them. Some came from friends, many came from family. And others were showered at the top of each hour from bad-management-practicing people with power. He couldn’t count them all, he had so many. It was even hard … Continue reading “The Good of Intentions: A F*ckin’ Bad-Ass Children’s Story”

Confidential: Attorney-Client Communication 1-5-21

1-5-21 Dear Ritchie, Good morning. Here, anyway. Not to engage in casual correspondence; adjusting with coffee, cue music for Business… “L.A. Woman” –The Doors I share first with you a Little Man’s victory: This morning they offered us daily use of the outdoor cages again. Shame to celebrate such a thing, isn’t it? But celebrate … Continue reading “Confidential: Attorney-Client Communication 1-5-21”

First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Jan. 2021

Previous: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Dec. 2020 WELCOME to the January issue of First Amend This! Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com. This publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of Correction community. If you wish to assist this effort, share the link, … Continue reading “First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Jan. 2021”

A Holiday Card for Your Missus

More Christmas reading here 12-25-20XX Dearest Love, Years ago, this festive missive would be different. Aggressive and explicit, testosterone-driven with angst. Talk of using a pillow to muffle the sounds, and too many metaphors suggesting how my dong doth make pound. Instead, for you, a brand new position. Envisioned and driven by intricate beauty: the … Continue reading “A Holiday Card for Your Missus”

Thank You For Another Round of Books!

I’m pretty excited about this: A Kurt Vonnegut, four-book, hardback, bible paper, ribbon marker, Library of America series that spans from 1950 to 1997. I just read a chapter from “Player Piano,” which I found at the very beginning of the series. The man is good. And weird. And his materials were actually suggested this … Continue reading “Thank You For Another Round of Books!”

Missive: 12-06-20

12-06-20 Dear Pen Pal, What am I doing today? To begin with, I’m celebrating your good time and your feeling better and your message coming through so fast. It’s good to experience the reminders of alcohol abuse once in awhile, as far as I’m concerned. I’m sorry your friends are struggling. It seems that everyone … Continue reading “Missive: 12-06-20”