Patrick Irving

Edmo’s New Vagina

Edmo is getting a vagina But Kenny can’t go to church Edmo is getting a vagina (S)He’s probably getting it permed Edmo is getting a vagina While we can’t run any laps Edmo is getting a vagina (S)He’s scheduled for follow-up paps Edmo is getting a vagina It’s likely a brand new model Edmo is … Continue reading “Edmo’s New Vagina”

The Congener Interludes, Op. 1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No. 3

Previous: The Congener Interludes, Op.1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No. 2 “The people who understand us the least tend to be the ones that hold us back the most.” Attached to the hand of a stranger, some time ago — still fresh in my memory. “Hmm. Interesting. Who was the stranger?” “If you don’t mind, for … Continue reading “The Congener Interludes, Op. 1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No. 3”

Re: GEO Group’s Warden Barry and His Not-So-Secret Shenanigans

8-31-19 Dear Chad Page (Chief of Idaho Prisons): Jack Fraser mentioned he spoke with you about a disciplinary issue and subsequent transfer from the Eagle Pass Correctional Facility — regarding me personally — in a memo dated 8-27-19, which carbon-copied you as a recipient. I understand the Idaho Department of Correction’s new position on why … Continue reading “Re: GEO Group’s Warden Barry and His Not-So-Secret Shenanigans”

Friends at Lucy Parsons Bookstore (Prison Book Program)

Prison Book Program c/o Lucy Parsons Bookstore 1306 Hancock Street, Suite 110 Quincy, MA 02169 prisonbookprogram.org 9-10-19 Dear Lucy Parsons Bookstore, A copy of The Jailhouse Lawyer’s Handbook was delivered to me late last night. Opening it up and seeing it came from you, I’m reminded of Christmas. My ability to read, write and organize … Continue reading “Friends at Lucy Parsons Bookstore (Prison Book Program)”

Keistering the Key to My Heart

I’ve been indicted on two counts of loving you Hunted for a bounty of my tender affection Be on the lookout for your art of seduction I’m jumpin’ bond on your love’s stipulations I’ve put restraints on all my temptations So I don’t repeat-offend with a kiss There’s no way I’m seeing parole this time … Continue reading “Keistering the Key to My Heart”

The Congener Interludes, Op. 1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No.2

Previous: The Congener Interludes, Op.1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No. 1 You’ve never had a sensei. You seek philosophy and enlightenment. Having also mastered efficiency, I will ask your stupid questions for you. You wonder: Where does one start on the road to success? Does a beginning marker appear at the crossroads of conflict? Should I … Continue reading “The Congener Interludes, Op. 1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No.2”

Forever My Way-Way

A Tribute to the GEO Group’s Warden Waymon Barry of Eagle Pass Oh Waymon, my berry My fruitful and bold Oh, how did I dear take a toll on your soul? Was it the corn dogs I doubled, the staff on my team The lounge for employees where I did things obscene The entropics I … Continue reading “Forever My Way-Way”

Regarding Disciplinary

(Included as a cover letter:) 6-12-19 Dear Mailroom, Under the Idaho Public Records Act, Disclosure of Idaho Department of Corrections Records Under the Idaho Public Records Act, IDOC Public Records User Manual v3.0, section 2 (Types of Records) – you must allow this communication to proceed to its intended recipient so that it can be … Continue reading “Regarding Disciplinary”

Messaging Elon

5/05/19 Dear The Musk Foundation, The word-missiles I launch are manufactured for $.55 each. A majority of the cost is for the delivery mechanism, USPS. My current targets are private prison operatives and the reasons they exist. The missiles are crafted to direct influencers to a recent private prison experience I compiled using materials that … Continue reading “Messaging Elon”

The Congener Interludes, Op. 1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No. 1

I wake up stiff and dehydrated, with questionable bruising — telltale signs of a drunken battle the night before. My feet find ground and close the distance to the bathroom so I can fix the leak that woke me up. Sleepy hand-eye coordination is no match for that stubborn spigot. By the time the leaking … Continue reading “The Congener Interludes, Op. 1: Sonatina of Intrigue, No. 1”