Patrick Irving

Frenemy Love Methods #1

3-6-19 Dear Mr. Tim Dorsey, What strange fans you must have. It simply isn’t enough to offer a description of my appreciation for Serge A. Storms. I’ve taken the extra step and embodied his utility usurpations in my fight with a Florida-based private prison company holding Idaho residents on the Mexican border. Following a lengthy … Continue reading “Frenemy Love Methods #1”

Esoterica: Entry 20 (Dear Waymon)

Pen Pal Funnies #1

8-29-20 Dear Professional Journalists: I have a story you may be interested in. This transmission is proof of the story as it is being transcribed by some form of sentient robot. It is a stubborn robot, requiring me to poke and prod at it with my fingers before it communicates to you my message, but … Continue reading “Pen Pal Funnies #1”

First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Sep. 2020

Previous: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Aug. 2020 [Censored!!!] Welcome to the September issue of First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter that addresses Idaho Corrections concerns. Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com. This publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of Correction’s community. If … Continue reading “First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Sep. 2020”

Dear Pen Pal (8-20-20)

Dear Pen Pal, Will you be voting early? By mail? Doing any legwork? I’m glad to be where I’m at for the election. I could hardly stand the things said around me during the last one. I’ve grown more tolerant with political differences, and the lines that draw my preferences have become much more obscure. … Continue reading “Dear Pen Pal (8-20-20)”

Lady Baby Blues (2006)

Well, what are you suppose to do when you learn a few Blues chords?… She said she wants a baby she wants me as the dad because I treat her like a lady doesn’t mean that I’m her man she said she wants a little boy maybe a little girl I’m wishin’ it were a … Continue reading “Lady Baby Blues (2006)”

The Cold Consummate Quake FaceTimes Another Foe

Guess what, Angela? Just now–I figured it out: You’re the Ghost of Christmas Future, aren’t you? Here to help me realize that I need to change my ways and let the Universe do its thing on its own–is that it? Huh? It no longer wants my stinkin’ help? I see how it is. Well, I’m … Continue reading “The Cold Consummate Quake FaceTimes Another Foe”

Morpheus 4:19

“MUAHAHAHAHAHA!” Last Friday, all day… Me. Once it arrived. “MUUUUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!” Finally… For the last 16 months–me in my crimefighters, flint-sharpening sticks with opposable thumbs, siccing them on eyeballs from a country away, in a ritual dubbed The Open-Mouth Kiss Of A Blind-Running Rage. You’ve probably heard me referred to as Biblical Sex: a.k.a the Cold … Continue reading “Morpheus 4:19”

First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Aug. 2020 [Censored!!!]

Previous: First Amend This! Bulletin: Staff Assault Inmate At IMSI 7.17.20 Welcome to The First Censored Issue [August] of First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter that addresses Idaho Corrections concerns. Brought to you by The Captive Perspective and made available at bookofirving82431.com. This publication provides an insider’s look at issues affecting the Idaho Department of … Continue reading “First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, Aug. 2020 [Censored!!!]”

First Amend This! Bulletin: Staff Assault Inmate At IMSI 7.17.20

Previous: First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, July 2020 A horrific scene of violence unfolded this morning at the Idaho Maximum Security Institution. Multiple members of staff woke the residents of Ad-Seg Unit B2 around 2:30am in what so far has only been described as a seriously savage beating, when approximately six correctional officers responding … Continue reading “First Amend This! Bulletin: Staff Assault Inmate At IMSI 7.17.20”