It’s hard not to have fun with this space–be creative and spontaneous, self-deprecating and clever. “You’re too much, guy,” says the soulless wonder behind the desk that always gives me the DENIED. “The world is different now! We’re in a GD’n pandemic. We understand that you’re a wonderful lover, but this isn’t the forum for hypersexual pleading. You need to tone it down.”
I get it, I do. Thanks to my experience with numerous support groups “–and how they like to phone my family during every session’s end, to congratulate them on speaker for my rightful disowning.
Inching my way now closer to modesty…
Perhaps, it’s suggested, I could pinch it off at homely.
…Shying away from my talents and creative debonair, it’s imperative that I divert your attention from search engines and news, where I’m not recognized so much for my bylines arriving as I am the decisions that won me a trophied indicting…
Something conversational, of course, like everyone recommends.
I could talk about getting evicted from a prison on the Mexican border because the corporation running it couldn’t handle my demands.
Though it’s probably best to avoid getting weird.
I guess I’ll just go with the first thing that comes to mind.
“Hi. I’m Patrick. And my lawyer doesn’t appreciate you talking to me directly through my brain.”
Boom.
Nailed it.
Creator of: Book of Irving 82431, First Amend This!: An IDOC Newsletter, How To Get Evicted From Prison.