As soon as Lucy drew old Booger McGoo, Booger McGoo jumped off the page. He rampaged the house wiping boogers on curtains, opening cupboards and boogering plates.
After the plates, he opened the fridge and drank up a gallon of milk. He then filled the empty with mayo and mustard, taking great care to see none of it spilt. To impress himself, it went back in the fridge, upside down and without the lid. He watched as it poured on leftovers galore. Rich was the action all over the floor.
Then he bruised all the apples and bit all the peaches and gave all the oranges a noogie. Next he turned on the oven and plugged in the mixer and blended up all of the cookies.
From the kitchen he ran into Lucy’s room, opened her drawers and unfolded her clothes. Then he jumped on her bed and fart-stuffed her pillow while gunking her blankets with chunks from his nose.
“Booger McGoo! I’m Booger McGoo! I’ve fart-stuffed your pillow! What will you do?” That was the song that he sang to Lucy while Lucy was watching as he trashed her room.
Ask any of the kids who’ve met Booger McGoo, with Booger McGoo there’s not much you can do.
He’ll shave your dog’s butt and make your cat bark and practice karate on all of your toys. He’ll wear you mom’s lipstick and your daddy’s toupee while perming the hair of the manliest boys.
He won’t leave if you ask, he won’t leave if you scream. He’ll tell you you’re welcome to spite all your pleas.
He’ll clog up your toilets and prank call your friends and self-like your social then hashtag you “#Blessed.”
Let’s face it, Booger McGoo is kind of an a**hole.
And though Lucy most definitely was not, she knew exactly what she had to do.
So while Booger McGoo was deporting her teddies and blocking roads to the vet that gave her cats care, Lucy sat back and, with a notebook and pen, inked herself in to the right set of stairs.
She drew a little mousehole and gave it an address and, before Booger knew it, he had a home. Then she drew in a bed with the prettiest view, added some toys and a really cool phone.
Pretty soon, Booger had a house, his own set of friends, things to enjoy and a nice set of clothes. He had followers on Insta, was cool in his class, and rode a BMX bike with a card in the spokes.
As Lucy finished drawing, Booger was watching, over her shoulder, happy at home. “Perfect and homey,” she said to him, stony, before drawing herself in as a ghost.
Booger, now frightened, jumped and decided that he would do anything to keep her away. And, as his drawers opened to Lucy’s “BOOs” spoken, he took to his knees and started to beg.
“I’m Booger McGoo! I’m Booger McGoo! Why you so mean? What did I do?!”
But he knew what he did. Yeah. You bet your butt. He knew what he did.
Lucy took great care fart-stuffing HIS pillow before she methodically drank all of HIS milk and poured mustard and mayo into HIS empty. And then, not only did she blend all of HIS cookies, but she called all of HIS friends and told them that she was going to blend THEIR cookies too! And maybe she was, or maybe she wasn’t. But either way, they really had it coming.
The moral of the story is: Don’t fart-stuff Lucy’s pillow, because young ladies like Lucy will always find a way.