Click.
Pyew.
Pyew.
Pyew. Pyew.
“Well — it’s looking like another beautiful Wednesday evening. Sixty-seven degrees here in Boise. We’ve got a frost warning overnight, which means I’ll have to pull out the cover for my newly-planted petunias. By the way, Natalie, if you listen closely, you can practically hear them singing the national anthem.”
Pyew. Pyew.
Pyew. Pyew.
“That doesn’t surprise me at all, Roland. And for the people at home who’ve noticed, it looks like you’ve got a little action in the background. What’s going on over there? Are you barbecuing for the neighbors again?”
“Oh, no. That’s Arkon. The Krivzkans tracked him down using his vessel’s omeranium signature and are attempting to take him back into custody. Say, now that you mentioned it…look at what the omeranium’s doing for my perennials.”
“It looks like you’re a go for another ribbon, Roland.”
Click.
“…. while we bring you Lori Vallow and her husband Chad Daybell’s bond reduction hearing, following the disappearance of her dark-spirited children. Her lawyer is prepared to make the point that her husband, Chad, is having a hard time managing the Second Coming without his Imperial Lieutenant of Eternal Damnation…”
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“…say that while they’ll certainly miss the fans, they’re just happy to be playing again. Unfortunately, due to the 23-hour lockdown, the players are all a little atrophied. But this hasn’t stopped them from donating the use of their hamster wheel to those on PPE duty. Money saved from the electricity generated will go to management’s Employing Lethal Use of Force Fund. However, without their normal exercise regiment, we can expect this season’s starters will be adding a few strokes to their game. Back to you, Don.”
“Glad to hear it. And on that note: KIVI has confirmed that Governor Little will appeal to the federal government for an upgrade in equipment. As you already know, President Trump has vowed to personally purchase a factory to produce toothbrushes capable of powering through the neck in one swing. Also, if you’re among those sick of watching reruns, you can take comfort knowing that IDOC has contracted with ICE to open the minor’s season early. You heard it here first: Six On Your Side.”
Click.
“…reunited with his late wife’s locket after reporting it missing — forty years ago. The locket was found Saturday in an old abandoned trunk during a storage unit auction. Canyon County investigators have yet to identify the remains of the perpetrator discovered to be wearing it…”
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“…as six-year-old Beverly Wilkins tells The 208, that’s when she realized that bleach suppositories would see an uptick in demand…”
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“…where Ammon Bundy and his armed supporters have marched to the Capitol steps, in protest of the virus’s inability to discriminate…”
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“…churches will be allowed to reopen, but only for those who have previously demonstrated their congregation’s ability to pray the gay away…”
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“…Lt. Governor McGeachin, seen here posing in pictures with businesses ignoring the governor’s quarantine orders…”
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“…and as your governor, I can say that I trust the people of Idaho to do the right thing.”
Click.